Divine Intervention
by Jamie Hook
Summary: Gambit's life gets a little complicated when Tante Mattie decides that the only way for one Remy LeBeau to make up for past sins is to become an X-man. Romy...
1. Chapter 1

He weather outside the Institute was beautiful. The smooth summer air that was sweet perfumes of grass and fresh air demanded that all of the windows be opened to let the sunshine in. Most of the newer recruits were outside, playing in the pool or soaking up as much of the sun as they could manage. Jean and Scott were washing his car, enjoying the cold water and conversation. Kitty had gone to the mall with Lance. Kurt was out and about with Amanda. Rogue was reading next to an open window, thriving in the cool breezes that swept up her hair and pulled at her long sleeved purple shirt.

Obviously, this being the Xavier Institute and it being a pleasant day, _something _was going to happen.

Scott saw it first.

Scott lightly threw a sponge at the red head and she stopped it with her telekinesis before hurling it back at him. He ducked underneath it, laughing at her trick.

"Missed me, missed me!" He teased. "Now you gotta kiss me!"

"Maybe after you go get the sponge back." Jean snorted, smile playing at her lips.

"I'm holding you to that." Scott vowed as he jogged down the driveway to go get the sponge from where it fell.

As he started to bend over to grab the offending sponge, an elderly woman stomped onto the property like a force of nature, dragging an unwilling and loudly complaining young man behind her.

"Get out of the way before she kills!" The figure being dragged yelled.

"Uh-" Scott opened his mouth to say something but decided to take the advice from the screaming man… the woman was on a mission.

"What's going on?" Jean asked, walking up to him and watching with him as the woman dragged the man in the direction of the front door.

"Escape while you still can!" The man shouted again.

"Hush up y'. I'm still mad." The woman growled, speaking for the first time.

"Was that-." Jean asked.

"Yes." Scott answered.

"Why-."

"I don't want to know."

The woman dragged her complaining charge up the front steps and knocked loudly on the front door. The man was trying to break her grip on his ear, still protesting loudly.

"Woman!" He cried. "I don' have nothin' to apologize fo'."

"Don' y' be takin' dat tone wit' me, Remy LeBeau, or I will lay y' out 'til next Sunday." The woman next to him snarled, keeping the grip on his ear firm. "I di' not drag yo' sorry butt up from N'awlins jus' t' hear y' complain. Now, say what I told y' t' say or I will never make y' 'nother meal for de rest of y'r life!"

He paused a moment in his struggles to glare at her speculatively.

"You wouldn't."

"De hell I wouldn'." The older woman growled.

Remy groaned deep in his throat and tried to contemplate which was worse- saying an apology or living the rest of his life without _Tante_ Mattie's cooking.

_Tante_ Mattie's cooking won.

He snorted through his nose as a large blue creature answered the door.

"May I assist you, madam?" He asked eloquently before giving Remy a funny look.

"_Homme_," Remy tried to whisper subtly to the Beast man. "Don't tell her anythin'!"

"Gambit?" Beast looked down at the young man being dragged by the ear by an almost ancient woman.

"Shut y' mouth, Remy." The woman snapped before turning to Beast civilly. "I was wonderin' if I could be speakin' wit' dis Xavier man, someone called Wolverine, an'a chile named Rogue _s'il vous plaît." _

Beast saw Gambit mouth '_no' _several times.

"Well, I-." Beast started to appease Gambit, but was cut off by the woman.

"Great!" She pushed her way through the threshold. "We'll wait right here while y' fetch 'em."

Remy groaned again. Mattie cuffed him.

"Stop wit' de groanin'." She ordered. "I wasn' de one dat told y' t' join wit' 'dose Acolyte fools, kidnap a little girl, o' skip out on savin' de world!"

Remy was about to make a snarky retort only to be cut off again.

"If de next words I hear out of y'r mouth arn' an apology o' a 'Tank y' _Tante_ fo' being de best _Tante_ in de whole wide world' I _will _tell Henri and Merci who blew up de bathrooms at dere weddin'."

Remy gasped.

"You wouldn'!"

"_I. Would_."

At that exact moment Beast herded an irate Wolverine, confused Professor Xavier, and mildly amused Rogue into the foyer.

"What is this about?" Xavier asked Beast.

"I haven't the slightest." Beast admitted. "But _you_ try arguing with this woman."

Mattie let go of Gambit's ear and he immediately tried to haul ass.

"Remy. Etienne. LeBeau." She growled and even Wolverine shuddered. "Get back 'ere."

Like a trained dog, Remy returned.

She smacked him and then turned to the people also in the foyer. "De idiot I brought wit' me has something' to say to y'." She stated firmly and then stared at Remy expectantly.

"_Je suis désolé," _He started to say before Mattie smacked him again.

"In English." She ordered.

"Woman! Stop hittin' Remy!" He roared.

She glared him down and he scuffed his boots against the floor as he started again.

"I'm sorry." He said. The three this was addressed to stood (or sat in a wheel chair as the case may be) stunned.

"For-." Mattie prompted, hands on her hips.

"For tryin' to blow up de X-men on multiple occasions…and hackin' y' systems… I left security tips though…" He said.

"I noticed those." Xavier smiled. "Those were form you?"

Remy nodded.

"Anythin' else?" Mattie asked Remy sternly.

"An' fo' kidnappin' de _belle femme _so that I could use her to get _mon pere _back from a group of assasins who were going to kill him so that they wouldn' havta put up with a peace treaty, but I was in a little bit of a hurry an' didn' have enough time to come up with a better plan. …I did, however make sure dat she was safe and watched over." Remy continued.

"_Annnnnd?" _Mattie said.

"_And_ I'm sorry for skippin' out on savin' de world because I was busy tryin' not t' get married. I figured if de world ended, den I'd still win." He shrugged. "Alright! Now it's time t' go." He started to turn out of the door.

"Y'r not done." Mattie said, not budging an inch.

"But I said I was sorry!" Remy complained, stomping back to the woman's side. "I don' see why I havta say anythin' else!"

"Are y' sayin' y'r doubtin' my words?" Mattie's face darkened and everyone in the room cowered. " 'Cause if dat's what y'r saying, I dink dat I might havta tell one Belladonna what exactly happened to her favorite pet rabbit when she was ten."

"_You wouldn' …" _Remy gaped at his mother-figure.

She only smirked in return.

"An' I would like t' offer my services as an X-man to make up for past sins!" He said hurriedly, not taking his eyes off the old woman.

Xavier's jaw dropped, Rogue nearly feinted, and Wolverine's claws were immediately on.

"Logan, calm down." Xavier ordered after a moment.

Xavier watched Remy mouth '_no' _repeatedly.

"Well, I-." Xavier started to appease Remy.

"Great! He can start Monday!" Mattie interjected.

"No!" Remy knelt to the ground and pulled out tufts of his hair. "_Tante, _I don' want t' be an X-man!"

"Why did you ask den?" She looked genuinely confused.

"You threatened not to cook for me… and to tell Merci and Henri about the event that did not take place… and Belle about the rabbit that we're not gon' talk about…" Remy said, pained.

"Well, you shouldn' let t'ings like dat stop y' from getting what y' want." She said promptly before exiting out the front door.

"Somebody stop him! Quickly!" Xavier said urgently upon seeing that Remy was trying to charge his own clothes.

"Jus' let me do it!" He wailed as Rogue pinned his arms behind his back. "Make it ennnnd!"

"I can't…" Xavier admitted. "Apparently, you're starting Monday…"

_-_

_This will be continued (maybe) as soon as I finish the other two stories I'm working on. I wrote it for giggles. _


	2. Chapter 2

_Jamie sneaks up to the computer like some sort of ninja-spy-assassin to upload this for you guys! _

_-_

It was a well known fact that whoever invented Monday was burning up in his own private corner of hell. Remy couldn't wait to get down there and kick his ass. That is, after he was done pouting.

"Stop it, chile." Mattie snapped. "If y' stick dat lower lip o' y'rs out any further, I'll step on it."

Remy snorted with amusement and then took the very mature road of sticking his tongue out at the older woman.

In stead of the violent reaction all of the X-men assembled were expecting, Mattie chuckled.

"Y'r lucky y'r good looking, boy, or we wouldn' be able t' get any girl t' put up wit' y'." She commented.

"And you're lucky y' can cook better dan a saint, 'cause _I _wouldn' put up wit' y'." He shot right back.

He cowered away from her raised hand and the X-men were left wondering why exactly they had been afraid of this man.

"I don't know how I feel about this, Professor." Scott admitted.

"I'm glad we're in agreement, scooter." Remy cut in before Xavier could say anything, standing and making a run for the door. "I guess I'll pack up me bags and be on my way den."

"Remy-." Mattie growled.

He sat down obediently and pouted some more.

"I know that you are unwilling to accept Mr. LeBeau as a member of your team, Scott." Xavier said after a moment's reflection. "But I feel that he is sincere in his quest for redemption… And that Mattie will strictly hold him to that."

The other X-men chuckled and Remy shot them a glare that could have wilted a flower.

"Aw, cheer up Gambit," A teasing southern voice called to him. "It won't be too bad." She chuckled.

The was almost an audible click as Remy switched from pouting child to smooth ladies man.

"O' course not, _cherie." _He smiled lazily at the girl, drawling out his words like honey so that they resembled a purr more than speech, leaning back in his chair so that his body was elongated at appealing angels. "You're here."

Rogue rolled her eyes and _Tante _Mattie smacked him.

"Ow…" He whined and the pouting child was back. "I feel abused."

"As well y' should." The older woman commented.

He grumbled something in French that no one except for Mattie understood.

"Watch y'r mouth." She snipped and the grumbles became deeper and more colorful sounding.

"He's like a nine-year-old." Kitty whispered to Jean.

"He's vocabulary's much more developed than a nine-year-old's." Jean commented, catching some of the interpreted words being projected from Mattie's subconscious.

"Ms. LeBeau, perhaps it would be best if we let Remy have some time to adjust." Xavier suggested seeing that she was growing increasingly more annoyed with Remy as time went on, and that the boy was collecting an array of bruises because of it.

"Y' right." Mattie allowed, nodding her head. She turned around and pulled Remy into a tight, loving hug. "Call me if y' need me t' beat anyone senseless f' y'."

"Dat's what I got Belladonna fo'" He smirked into her shoulder and they both had a good laugh at that joke. The X-men looked at each other in confusion. "'R y' goin' back t' N'wlins after dis?" He asked once she had relinquished her hold on his.

"_Oui." _She nodded her head, rubbing at her eyes to cover up some tears.

"It looks like y' got something' in y' eye." He teased, only to be rewarded with a good smack on the shoulder.

"Hush y'." She turned to go out the door. "And y' behave y'self, y' hear!" She called behind her.

"When don' I?" He asked indignantly.

Her echoing laughter was the only answer he got. He allowed himself one moment to smile after her before grimacing and turning back to the X-men.

Xavier was smiling brightly, Hank was sifting through his French-English dictionary, Jean was smiling her 'I am the _goddess _of _perfection_' smile, Scott was busy trying not to pout because realistically only Remy LeBeau can pout like a man, Kitty was giggling to herself, Kurt was eyeing him warily in much the same way Logan was, only when Kurt did it, it seemed more juvenile and less like a threat, and Rogue was glaring at him speculatively.

Another, nearly audible click.

"What, _cherie?" _He smirked at her, leaning against the wall, elongating his legs and rolling his shoulders like a puma on the hunt.

"Nothin'." She drew her eyes away from him, stubbornly crossing her arms over her chest. "Who's Belladonna?"

"She's my assassin." He said with a joking demeanor. "De _fille _is crazy about me. Why?" He drawled. "Jealous?"

"No," Rogue scoffed. "The girl must be crazy to like you, swamp rat."

"Aw, how cute." He smiled at her, finding her anger very amusing. "Y' gave Remy a nickname. A term of endearment, if y' will."

"I don't find anything' about you endearin'." Rogue sniffed, cocking one of her hips.

"Nothin' at all?" He said suggestively.

Every X-man in the room was completely aware that this conversation was about to go _bad places, _but for some reason, none of them could work up the nerve to interrupt them. It was like watching a ballet before a plane crash.

"Absolutely nothing'." She shot back. "I never have and I never will." She declared vehemently.

Remy let his evil smirk crawl across his lips and felt that signature spark in his demon eyes and he pushed himself off the wall and coolly made his way to her side, close enough she started to squirm.

"Is that a challenge, _cherie?" _He mumbled into her ear.

"Yes," She said sarcastically. "You caught me."

Remy tutted, backing away from her. "Bitterness doesn't suit such a pretty face, _ma belle._"

"Bitterness about what?" Rogue sneered. "That other girl's get to kiss you and I can't?"

"Oh, but you forgot, _cherie." _He laughed at her. "You already kissed me."

"What?" She spluttered. "Nu-uh!"

He produced a DVD out of one of his pockets.

-

"Y' fly in and take out Petey first, y'see." He pointed out the events that were happening on the screen. Rogue sat beside him on the couch, glaring at the screen.

The metal man carried a large crate over his head. Rogue walked up, tapped him on the back of the neck, dragged his lifeless body out of the crate and walked away.

"An' den fluffy."

Sabertooth caught her from the side, sending her falling to the ground. Her raised a hand back to swipe at her, but she caught it, overpowering him.

"An' den Johnny boy."

"_Awful bold ov ya comin' here, girl." _St. John's insane cackle called out to her. _"Or are you just stupid?" _

Pyro attempted to light her on fire before she used Colossus' power and walked through the flames to absorb him and throw him through a crate, wearing the scraps of the clothing she had been adorned with before the fire.

"An' den me!" He added cheerfully.

"_Bravo, cherie." _The him on the screen clapped. _"Looks to me like Rogue's up to no good. But hey, I like that in a girl." _

There was a general swooning sound from behind them and Rogue and Remy turned to see every girl in the mansion crowded into the room.

"That's, like, so cute!" Kitty cooed.

"It gets better!" Remy assured her.

The Rogue on screen shed her metallic skin and stepped towards Remy with her hand outstretched. He retreated accordingly. _"Only thing is, you're not alone in this are you?" _

"_Who's behind it? Mystique?" _He demanded, leaping gracefully on top of some crates when she swiped at him. _"I think so, question is- Why?" _He twirled his bo staff around in his fingers.

Rogue lifted up her hand and sent him flying with telekinesis that she had probably stolen from Jean before the video took place. He slammed into a wall and fell to the ground, barely having any time to recover when Rogue pounced on top of him. He got his legs in between them, but it was good enough for the moment.

"_See if you can guess." _She dared, reaching out to touch his face_. _

He kicked her off.

Everyone in the room heaved a sigh of disappointment except for Rogue.

"Wait for it." Remy said.

After the Rogue on screen went flying, the Remy on screen got up and looked around warily, searching for his attacker. He turned around…

…Right into Rogue's lips…

Everyone in the room squealed with delight, giggling hysterically.

"Wait for it…" Remy said again, pausing the video right after he collapsed to the ground. "That, ladies and gentlemen," He pointed to the Rogue on the screen. "Is a genuine Rogue-smile." He bowed deeply as all the girls clapped. "Thank you."

Rogue sank down into the couch, burning to cinders with embarrassment. She may have to kill him for this.


	3. Chapter 3

_Jamie is contemplating giving this story a point… First! She must round up all of her favorite characters!_

_And, yes, she is fully aware that she is beating Remy's accent to death. It's because she is mad that he had no accent in the show. LET THERE BE ACCENT! _

_Oh, about the 'Devine' thing. I was wrong. It's spelled 'Devinne'... whoopsie. I fix!_

_ -_

Rogue was very tempted to hunt down Scott and steal his powers just so that she could embellish her glare with the effect she was going for. She wanted to stomp out that damn grin, set it on fire, spit out the flames, grind it into a powder, spread the ashes across the world, and then try and forget that the man who belonged to it ever existed.

She growled at him from her place at the couch, a habit she had accidentally picked up from Wolverine.

He laughed at her.

"Ya know, swamp rat, one day I'm just gonna-." Her insult was cut short as a cell phone rang. It was like Gambit had been slapped his demeanor changed so quickly when he heard it. He snatched a cell phone out of his pocket and looked as if he was ready to bolt out of the door at the first word.

"What is it?" He asked the other person on the line anxiously. Rogue watched him.

_His hair's longer… I kinda like it…_

"I didn't know she was gon' kidnap me, Merci!"

_And the beard… Can Scott even grow a beard?_

"Good Lord, woman! You know I can't control her!"

_Mmm… the eyes… always liked the eyes…_

"Did y' call f'r a reason? Or was it just t' blame me f'r gettin' kidnapped by me own _Tante?" _

_And his voice…_

"No, I'm not gonna tell y' where I am!"

_With the accent… yummy…_

"Hold on a sec, Merci… I got a _fille _satrin' at me, and it's startin' t' weird me out a lil' bit."

"Huh?" Rogue sat up a little straighter and noticed everyone was watching her watch Remy.

"Pay up." Jubilee stuck her hand out in the middle of the gaggle of girls. "She totally digs him."

"Ah do not! And I suggest if everyone in this room wants tah stay conscious, they keep there wallets in their pants!" She turned to Remy who had opened his mouth to speak. "Along with anythin' else they felt the need to pull out of their pants when I said that!"

The woman he was on the phone with said something to him.

"_Oui, _she is pretty cute, easy on the eyes." He told her in the midst of his laughter. "She got a body t' _die _f'r, but she don' show it off real well." He chuckled.

"Don't tell Merci that!" Rogue snipped, having a vague impression of who Merci was from his memories. "She'll wanna take me shoppin' or somethin'…"

"She said no to de shoppin' Merc, but maybe next time." He laughed into the phone again.

_He laugh is really nice too… Dammit girl! Shut up! _

"What was that? Merci LeBeau getting' right t' d' poin' o' a phone conversation. I know y' can't see, but I'm theatrically grippin' me heart, prayin' t' God dat de apocalypse ain't a commin'." He chuckled.

Whatever she said back to him got him to shut up. He held the phone out in front of his face and stared at it for a good few seconds.

"Uh… Swamp rat?" Rogue ventured.

He kept staring at the phone.

"_Remy?" _It broadcast Merci's voice. _"Remy, didya hear me?" _

He continued to stare at the phone.

Rogue walked up to him and plucked the phone out of his hand.

"Merci, right?" She said.

"Y' must be dat Rogue girl he always about. Y' _do _have de cutest Mississippi accent!" Merci gushed. "Where is he? I _must _know!"

"Uh…" She looked back to Gambit's shell shocked expression. "I dunno if that's the best idea…"

"Well, if I don' have de address, _petit,_ where am I gonna send de invitations to de _baby shower!_" She laughed.

Remy snapped out of his trance finally and snatched the phone back out of Rogue's hand.

"NAME IT REMY!" He shouted into the receiver before slamming the phone shut. "If I miss dat kid's birth because I died for you X-geeks," He growled a warning at them. "I will make a deal with Candra 'erself and come back to _haunt the shit out of all of you._"

Everyone stared at him.

"Are you the baby daddy?" Tabitha finally broke the ice… It should be noted that Tabitha Smith was forbidden from breaking ice after this.

"What?" Remy and Rogue said in unison. "No, it's his sister-in-law, you dumbass."

The room of women stopped.

"You… have… brothers…?" Wide eyes dissected the handsome LeBeau.

"Run." Rogue advised under her breath.

"I'm adopted." He reminded her.

"That won't save you from their wrath!"

Fortunately, what did save him from the wrath of lonely teenage girls was a bright red warning light and a telepathic message that Remy didn't get because of his mental blocks.

"We gotta go." Rogue grabbed his covered arm and pulled him forward. "Jean?"

"Coming!" Jean pulled herself out of the pouting mass of women. She paused at the door and grimaced. "Tabitha, keep your dirty thoughts to yourself! Remy's a man, not a piece of meat!"

Rogue chuckled nervously as she pulled him down a hallway. "Sorry 'bout Tabby… she's…. special…"

Remy shrugged with his easy smirk. "Where are we goin'?" He asked as she yanked him into one of the elevators.

"Magneto's tryin' to get his hands on something or another for some dastardly plan to… I dunno, I stopped payin' attention after 'Magneto'."

Remy rolled his eyes. His old employer. Weeee…

-

Remy leaned against the wall as Cyclops collided with the brick next to him. Jean Grey cried out in anguish as she lost control of the levitating car she was holding up. Nightcrawler's powers were malfunctioning. Rogue was having a mental clash from already absorbing one of Magneto's new lackeys, so everyone thought it was best if she took a little nap instead of 'Psylocke'ing everyone. Storm had already passed out from shooting so many lightning bolts that had immediately been deflected. Shadowcat was stuck in a wall.

Honestly, it was kinda embarrassing to be seen with these guys.

"Aren't you going to help?" Scott barked at him, in full leader mode.

"Yeah," Remy flipped open his phone. "Sure." He punched in a number.

"You're making a phone call?" He turned red in the face from yelling so loud.

"Take three steps t' y' left." Remy advised as a contorted piece of metal bore down on Scott.

"_Hello?" _A thickly accented voice picked up the phone he was calling.

"I need a favor…" Remy started.

Scott regained consciousness just as Gambit said '_And bring the cat food' _and hung up on whoever it was that he was calling.

"God dammit!" Scott felt around the back of his head.

"I told y' t' move it." Gambit clucked his tongue.

"Well, why don't you just-." Scott started to construct the worst possible insult his little mind could come up with.

"Ah," Gambit interrupted, looking over his shoulder at a thick figure on a motorcycle. "Here he is."

"Who is that?" Scott followed his gaze.

"Petey!" Remy and Piotr Rasputin did a sort of complicated secret handshake. "And I thought you didn' care!"

"Honestly, I was very surprised to be receiving your call for aide in a battle _with _the X-men." Piotr looked around and smiled nervously at Scott. "Er.. Hello."

"What-?" Scott started.

"Didya bring de stuff?" Remy looked over Pete.

"I cannot believe we are doing this to him again." Pete pulled a bag off of his shoulder. "Magneto nearly killed John the last time."

"Well, Johnny boy ain't here dis time." Remy grinned as he rooted through the bag, pulling on a yellow rain jacket, a red snow hat, and stuffing a lighter into his pocket.

Pete did the same. "I do not think that will make it any better… In fact, it might be worse." He reached into the bag and pulled out two tins of cat food, tossing one to Gambit as they walked out onto the field of battle, leaving behind a very confused Scott Summers.

-

"Control over the race known as homo sapiens shall be mine!" Magneto cackled. "Miiii-." His crow of victory was cut short as he saw two figures crawl across the battlefield.

"Help!" Gambit coughed. "It's… it's…"

"Contagious!" Colossus cried out.

"Must…!" Gambit spasmed on the ground. "Burn!" A lighter appeared in his hands.

"No!" Magneto gasped.

A lighter appeared in Colossus' hand as well.

Two little flames flickered into existence.

"Ahhhhhh!" Magneto screamed.

The two of them lit the hats on fire and cast them aside to distract from the fact that they rolled forward while prying open the cans. Magneto stumbled back from their approach.

"This can't be happening," He muttered to himself. "I found the cure! He can't be contagious anymore!"

Colossus and Gambit dumped the contents of the little tin on the ground and started to make 'wet-cat-food-angles' in it (hence the rain coats)

Remy suddenly looked up at Magneto innocently, holding up a handful of dirty cat food.

"Cat food… mate?"

"AHHHHH!" Magneto took off, abandoning anyone on his side that hadn't already made it out.

Remy and Peter where nearly in tears from laughing so hard. When they finally looked up they noticed that all of the X-men, including Xavier, were staring at them.

"What…?" Storm breathed.

"Know thine enemy." Remy advised as he stood and wiped some cat food off of the back of his head. "Me and Pete convinced 'm that Johnny was contagious a while back… Mags don't really care f'r Johnny…"

They kept looking at him.

"John likes cats, alright!"

"Genius!" Xavier exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air.

"Petey, didn' y' say how y' was considerin' being an X-man." Remy knocked the significantly larger Russian man forward a step, so that he nearly collided into Kitty.

"Uh… Hi…" Kitty blushed.

And that's how Piotr was sucked into the X-men.

And Remy found someone else to be a badass with.

…When being a badass had to do with rolling around in cat food in rain jackets to save humanity…

……Whatever……


	4. Chapter 4

_Colossus down. Pyro, Pietro, and a few more to go. Then, dearies, we can _really _start having some fun._

_- _

Lance Alvers was in a bad mood. Hell, Lance Alvers was _always _in a bad mood. But, this bad mood, this one in particular, was very special.

There was a dent.

In.

His.

Car.

"Oh…" He inspected the collapsed side of his car that stretched from bumper to bumper. "…" The paint was chipped and the scraps on the metal were deep enough to exposed the mechanics underneath. "No."

The earth started to rumble under his feet when he recognized the scorch marks surrounding the huge dent.

"OH. No." He repeated. The foundation of the houses surrounding the brotherhood boarding house started to collapse.

"Hey, Lance!" Blob bellowed from inside. "What's the big idea?"

"Like, what's going on, yo?" Toad called back.

"OH. NO!" His eyes rolled up into his head and he stomped onto the ground with all of the force he could muster.

An Aussie shot out of one of the downstairs room, propelled by the shockwave Lance had just sent to the very spot he had been sitting in font of the television, eating pink rabbit peeps, and landed right at Lance's feet.

"Oy!" St. John Allerdyce stood up and dusted off his bunny slippers and fiery boxers. "What was that fhoa?" He yowled.

"What did you do to my car?" Lance shouted, pointing out the dent (rather unnecessarily one might add, but Lance isn't the brightest bulb on the fake chandelier.)

"I drove it." John puffed out his chest, obviously impressed with himself.

"And why is there nineteen empty cans of cat food in the back seat?" Lance cried, finally looking inside the car.

John looked at him as if he had just asked 'Why is there a sun in the sky?' or 'What planet do we live on?'.

"Nevermind," Lance snorted. "I wouldn't expect a crazy like you to understand. Go play with your stupid fire somewhere, Wallaby Boy."

Now, there were several insults St. John Allerdyce would tolerate. Crazy? Sure, it was true enough. Wallaby Boy? John had always felt a special connection with the wallabies. But, never, _ever, _under any circumstances did St. John allow someone to insult fire in his presence.

"Thems fightin words!" He shouted as he whipped out a lighter he had taped to his back.

-

"Gammmbit." Someone cooed to him in his sleeping state.

He stirred lightly in his sleep, but did not wake.

"Gambit…" Another soft call, paired with a prod in the side.

"Murph…" He mumbled and rolled over.

"Kitty, move," Someone else said. There was the sound of something being hefted. "Wake up, swamp rat!"

Remy leapt into the air, spluttering, as he was doused from head to toe with a bucket of cold water. He immediately sprung into an attack position, charging his sheets and holding them out from his body with one hand while breaking the mirror next to his bed with his elbow and grasping one of the shards as a make shift weapon. It took a moment to dawn on him where he was and who was in his room.

"Shit…" Wolverine drawled, standing at the back of the uniformed group of X-men. He turned to the others. "That's how I want you guys to get up in the mornings from now on. Training starts tomorrow."

"Uh…" Remy looked around from one face to the other of the assembled group. "What are y' all doin' in Remy's room?"

"What's Remy doin' speakin' in third person?" Rogue snorted. He noticed that she was holding on to a bucket.

"Goddammit, it's to early for this shit." He mumbled as he tossed the shard of mirror away so that it stuck horizontally out of the wall and uncharged the sheet and threw it back on the bed.

The women in the room did a cute guppy impersonation.

Remy looked down at his soaking half naked body.

"I _like_ my rubber duck boxers." He glared at all of the snickering men. Scott and Kurt had to brace their ribs to keep from collapsing.

"Can Scott even grow chest hair?" Jean blurted out loud. Scott immediately stopped snickering.

Everyone turned from her, to Remy's chest hair, to Scott. It was a very awkward moment.

"Well now that not only I, but my chest hair, have been scandalized, would someone mind explaining what de hell is going on?" Remy snipped, crossing his arms over his chest.

"We've got a problem," Wolverine grunted, turning away from the half naked boy, dragging a staring Kitty and Jean along with him. "The Professor couldn't break through your mental shield to wake you up, so he sent us. …Well, he sent _one _of us, but, dammit boy, it's like trying to wake the dead to get you up. Be downstairs in two minutes fully dressed for combat. The Brotherhood is causing trouble in the middle of their own neighborhood."

He walked out the door, the X-men following him. Well, the _majority _of the X-men.

"See something' y' like, _cherie?" _He smirked at the stunned Rogue.

"Uh…" She stammered, turning red.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'." He smirked and leaned into her.

Rogue snapped herself out of the daze. "Keep your paws to yourself, swamp rat!" She snapped as she shoved the bucket into his chest. "And put some clothes on!" She slammed the door behind her.

Remy shook some of the water out of his hair, grinning.

-

"Everyone can relax," Remy smirked as he sauntered into the main hallway. "Gambit has arrived."

Only Piotr seemed to really appreciate the joke. Scott was still scowling, Rogue was still scowling, Wolverine had never stopped scowling, Jean was still pink with embarrassment, Kurt still took every opportunity that presented itself to glare at Gambit, and Kitty was to busy staring at Piotr to really register anything.

"Good to see you with some clothes on." The taller, wider, all around larger Russian smirked at him, obviously having been relayed the mornings events. "I would think that you of all people would have better taste in under garments."

"Oh, please, Petey," Remy scoffed. "I got y' the same pair f'r Christmas. Y' were ecstatic."

Piotr turned pink. Kitty giggled.

"Let's get this show on the road people." Wolverine snapped. "Last I heard the Aussie lit the next door neighbor's lawn on fire and was making an army of gnomes. "

Remy and Piotr stopped dead.

"A-A-Aussie?" They stuttered in sync.

"Yeah," Logan grunted. "Pyro."

Piotr and Remy shared a significant look and a sigh.

"Which plan shall it be this time, Petey my man?" Remy asked tiredly.

"Plan AB49 seems to be the most effective." Piotr responded, scrubbing at his brow with the impatience of a man who knew there was more to life than subduing Australians.

"Right." Remy nodded. "I'll get the water bottle, y' get the stuffed koala."

Everyone stared after them as they took separate ways.

"…Well," Scott started. "Them being insane worked _last _time."

-

"AHAHAHAH HA HA!" John cackled as a giant fire dragon surrounded him. "Fly ma beauty! Make this non-believer pay!"

"I'm about to ROCK this place!" Lance yelled. Even the fire department volunteers that had been called to the scene groaned at how horribly awfully disgustingly _bad _that pun had been.

"Ten bucks on the crazy Australian." Pietro, Wanda, Toad, and Blob sat on the stairs of the boarding house, watching the conflict. Blob had been thoughtful enough to bring out some popcorn.

"Deal." Wanda slapped ten dollars in the middle of the growing pot.

Pietro took a scoop of popcorn out of the bowl and stuffed it into his mouth. "Jesus, what time is it?"

Toad checked his watch. "It's been 'bout twenty minutes since this started, yo. They're late."

Pietro shook his head with disgust. "It's a sad, sad day when you can't rely on heroes to make it to the freaking scene of the crime on time."

"Rely-" Freddy repeated. "Reeely…."

"It means to be able to count on." Pietro helped him along. "Sound it out."

" R- E-L-I-E?" Blob looked to him for conformation.

"Close enough." He took another fist full of popcorn. There was a rumble of the earth shifting and the spastic flare of fire.

"Oh- ouch." Todd commented as Lance's body went spiraling out of the yard.

"Pay up." Pietro held out his hand.

Wanda grumbled something about how she was going to stab him in his sleep and take back all of her money.

"One, you'd have to catch me." Pietro smirked. "Two, you're the one who can freaking manipulate probability here!"

"Heads up," Toad called, shoveling another handful of popcorn into his mouth. "X-geeks are here."

Lo and behold the X-mobile or X-van or X-transport, or whatever the hell they were calling all of their stuff nowadays pulled up and out popped the seven -WHOA WHOA WHOA! - _nine_ X-men.

"Hey, how'd metal man and the card dude get mixed up with those goody goodies?" Toad inquired. The Brotherhood, minus Lance and John, one of which was groaning in pain and the other had decided to create a fire mountain as salute to victory, watched the two newest X-men drag their feet out of the car where the other members had leaped enthusiastically.

"Oh," Pietro grinned. "This just got interesting." He was gone and back, quick as a flash, the only difference was now he was in uniform. "Brotherhood, I think we have some X-nerds to mop the floor with."

John crowed with laughter as the fire mountain quickly evolved into a fire Volcano and exploded, the fire resulting from the turning into butterflies that were having an all out war among each other, each searching out the princess of the rival clan so as to assert their dominance over the inferior butterfly tribe.

'But little did they know," He continued his internal monologue externally, which made everyone a little confused. "That is wasn' tha rival tribes that were tha issue, it was tha HOUSES!" The little butterflies broke away from their war and started to land on the houses surrounding them, effectively setting them aflame. "Tha houses are damagin' tha ecosystem 'round the tribes, pollutin' tha water with toxins that installed a more aggressive trait into the tribes! Ah nah!"

Something cold and wet hit him in the side of the head.

"Oy!" He cried out in surprise, only to get shot again.

"Johnny," A stern voice said, punctuated by another shot of cold water to the side of the head. "Put out de flames."

John did as he was told.

"Give me de lighter."

Reluctantly, John forked over the lighter.

"Good. Now, sit."

John whimpered slightly and then sat down on the charred ground obediently.

"Good boy," Remy patted him on the head. "Pete, give the man his prize."

"Very good John." Piotr handed over an abused stuffed koala bear. "You are getting much better at your self control."

It only now seemed to dawn on John who exactly was standing over him.

"COLOSSUS!" John leapt up and attempted to circle his arms around the huge man.

Piotr uncomfortably stood still for the remainder of the impromptu hug.

John whipped his head around and spotted an attempting to retreat Remy.

"Gamby darling!" John let go of Pete and immediately ran over to Remy, who took off at a sprint when he realized he had been spotted. Pyro was to fast for him. "Ah've missed yah!" He tackled him to the ground with a hug, not to be phased by the repetitive shots of cold water he was receiving.

"Dammit John!" Remy tried to pry himself out of the other man's grip. "Could you wait to do stuff like dis when your wearing pants?"

"Oops!" John shot bolt up right. "Almost forgot Pricilla!" He ran over to the abandoned koala bear and hugged it tightly. "Who's my little shelia? You are!" He snuggled close to the bear and made his way back over to Gambit's side to watch the battle that had sprouted around them somewhere in between the butterfly war and the koala bear.

Scott, Ororo, and Logan were already K.O. Down for the count.

Pietro was slapping Jean so quickly his hand was repetitive blur.

"I'm not gonna stop until you admit your hairstyle is stupid and no one taller than a midget should wear cargo pants." He cried.

Lance had recovered himself and was busy trying to get into a fist fight with Piotr. Lance was losing very badly.

Freddy was down for the count, having already been absorbed by Rogue, who was now locked in an epic clash with Wanda. …Which consisted of a lot of Goth jokes and references to bands nobody else had heard of.

Kurt and Todd were throwing punches in between really bad joke laced with cringe worthy slang and indistinguishable accent.

"This is kinda sad." John said as they watched the duel. The neighbors had decided that they had more important things to do and the fire department had long ago abandoned its quest to control Pyro.

"Yup." Remy responded, popping the 'p'.

John perked up. "Ah know just what ta do ta get these ankle-biters to fight nice!"

Remy was about to protest, but was to shocked when he noticed the lighter he'd lifted off of John was gone. "How?" He looked around.

John was standing next to the Brotherhood boarding house, a fire bird already constructed in the palm of his hand. Before anyone could raise a word of protest, the house went up in flames.

The sounds of clashing stopped suddenly.

"Wha?" Wanda said. Toad stood next to her, eyes glazed over in shocked awe as they all watched the flames consume their home.

Pietro stumbled forward, kneeling in front of the burning building. "What have you done to us, you mad man?" He sobbed. "What have you done!"

"Ah made ya new friends!" John stated, sweeping his arm in a wide gesture to the X-men.

Remy hit him in the side of the mead with another shot of cold water.

"Er…" Jean said, rubbing her bright red face. "We do have some room at the Institute…"

Pietro's eyes widened in horror. He lunged for Pyro's throat.

"Die you Aussie bastard!" He tried to claw his way through Jean's telepathy. "Diiiiiiie!" The word ended with more broken sobs.

"That means yes!" John declared, stomping resolutely to the X-van, his bunny slippers squeaking with each impact.

-

_Hmm, Jamie has been contemplating some of the suggestions that have been thrown her way- Should Remy go to High School with them? Oh-ho-ho… If Remy went, I guess John and Pete would havta got too then, huh? :D But this could potentially mess with the plot I might start working on any time now… Hmm…_

_Also- Devine? Devinne? _

_Double Also- Tante Mattie, depending on your source (because I have read both) is either Jean Luc's mommy or the cook. House maid... person... SHE'S A BIG DEAL! (Slash- vodoo person, which automatically makes her awesome!) _


	5. Chapter 5

_Well, now that I conquered the ability to spell simple words, I thought I'd take a stab at this 'writing' thing again. _

_And also - Rob, if you're out there, and I know you are because you like to creep. I will find you. I may not know where you are _right now _(you sneaky bastard) but, doubt me not Robert! I. WILL. FIND. YOU! (and YOU NEED TO GET A CELL PHONE YOU CAVE MAN!) _

_And now, back to your regularly scheduled fan fiction._

_-_

One would think that in a mansion this size that there would be enough rooms for _everyone _but _noooo. _The original X-men had to double up. Kurt was now rooming with Scott, Jean was allowed to stay by herself because of her 'college studies' so Rogue had been forced to room with Kitty.

The logic behind putting a girl who, when touched, rendered a person unconscious in the same room with the most touchy-feely girl in the entire house was lost on Rogue.

Rogue snorted to herself again for the third time that minute as she reviewed her situation and scanned the very crowded room around her.

Pietro was strangling John on the ground of the Rec Room while Wanda and Piotr half-heartedly tried to pry him off; Lance was glaring daggers into the back of Piotr's head; Tabby, Jubilee, Rahne, and Amara where watching Remy read on the couch like watching him absorb a comic book was the most engrossing activity known to man; Scott and Jean were having another one of their 'I-like-you-and-you-like-me-but-it's-awkward-because-I-knew-you-before-you-went-through-puberty' moments; Bobby was busy trying to convince Ray and Roberto that freezing all of Logan's booze would be a _fantastic _idea; two Jamie's were wrestling each other; Fred was eating an entire cak by himself with Todd crouched on his shoulder like the dirty parrot to Fred's pirate; and Xavier, Ororo, and Logan were sitting in the corner, discussing the weather coolly.

Rogue stood in the doorway, one elbow propped up against the frame, one fist pressed against her hip. Everyone was there and accounted for…

_Except for Kitty. _

Rogue's spine went erect and her eyes went doe at the thought.

If Kitty wasn't here…

Rogue took off at a sprint for the Kitchen.

No Kitty.

More running, this time to the Library.

No Kitty.

This trend continued through out the Danger Room, Computer Lab, Dining Room, Study Hall, Green House, Swimming Pool, and Boy's Dorms. That only left…

_Their room. _

Rogue swallowed thickly. She had saved the most terrible possibility for last. The room she shared with Katherine Pryde… was empty... save Kitty… who was alone… in the room they shared… by herself.

Rogue went paler (if that was even possible) as she daintily knocked on the door.

"Kitty?" She called out hoarsely, fearing any response.

No answer.

"Kitty?" She called out again, gaining confidence that the younger girl wasn't there. Maybe she'd left the mansion all together! Rogue laughed shakily at how she had overreacted to the prospect of Kitty being alone in their room as she twister the knob and pushed the door open to reveal the room on the inside.

She screamed.

Kitty turned around form what she was doing, ear phones in.

She screamed too….

…Dropping the little music box of Rogue's that she had been cleaning in the process…

"Nooooo!" The world moved in slow motion as Rogue dove for the box. The tips of her fingers grazed the harsh corners of the dark wood before it crashed to the ground, sending the contents scattering everywhere. Rogue sat on the ground- stunned into silence as she stared at the shattered pieces.

"Oh my gosh!" Kitty yanked the head phones off of her head. "I am, like, so sorry Rogue! I was just cleaning up some and-"

"Get out."

"What?"

"Get out!" Rogue turned around and glared at Kitty.

Kitty shuddered as the feeling of part of her soul wilting away took effect and decided it was best for her to be somewhere else.

"What happened?" Scott demanded as everyone in the mansion came dashing down the hall. "We heard screaming!"

"Like," Kitty took a deep breath. "I was, like, cleaning up Rogue's side of the room, because, like, she never picks anything up and it always looks so, like, dirty, because all of her clothes are so totally dark, and like, when they're all over the floor and stuff, it looks _totally _awful, so I thought 'Hey, Kitty, wouldn't it be, like, totally awesome, if you, like, cleaned up your roommate's side of the room for her?' and I said to myself 'Like-."

"GOOD LORD MAKE IT STOP!" Logan shouted., clawing at his ears. Ororo made soothing hushing sounds and patted him on the head until his whimpers subsided.

"But, why were you guys screaming?" Scott was perplexed.

"Well," Kitty ground the toe of her shoe into the floor like an embarrassed child. "I may or may not have broken that music box she always keeps locked."

"Oh God no…" Scott pinched the bridge of his nose underneath his ruby glasses.

"It's alright, Scott," Jean smiled at him. "I'll talk to her." There was a snort from someone in the background.

"Five bucks says Rogue tries to kill her." Pietro muttered.

"Deal." His twin smirked.

"Rogue?" Jean knocked on the door. "Rogue? Can I talk to you?" There was no response so Jean hazarded opening the door.

A few moments later, Jean's unconscious body was thrown back out of the room.

"Pay up."

"Damn you."

Logan hefted a sigh and sidled on up to the door.

"Rogue?" He grumbled. Again, there was no response. …It was kinda creepy… "I'm comin' in, kid." He warned before turning the knob and closing the door behind him.

"I'm forecasting blood." Pietro said.

"Ridiculous." Wanda snorted.

"Is it ten dollars 'ridiculous'?" He inquired.

"Deal!"

Another few moments later, Logan stumbled back out, a piece of dark wood sticking out of his side.

"It was horrifying…" He mumbled, tearing the bloody stake out of his side.

Wanda forked over another ten dollars to Pietro.

"Y'all ain't very good at dis." Remy commented, leaning against the wall as he watched Hank and Ororo heft up Jean's limp body and started to half-drag her to the med bay.

"Oh really, Cajun," Wolverine growled at him. "Why don't you show us how it's done?"

Remy smirked.

"Well, if y' insist." He strode up to the door and kicked it open and slammed it shut behind him without informing the room's occupant of his intentions.

"What's your prediction this time, oh intelligent one?" Wanda sneered at her brother.

Pietro considered this for a moment.

"You might wanna stand back." He advised.

Wanda rolled her eyes with disbelief and stood her ground.

-

"_Chere?" _Remy walked forward into the room.

There was a growling sound from the corner.

Remy just thought his best bet was to assume that it was Rogue.

"_Chere, _how y' doin'?"

"She. Broke. My. Music. Box." Rogue growled again, cradling the remnants of the once-was music box.

"I'll but you a new music box."

"Ah don' whant a _new _music box," Rogue started to wave her arms around in the air animatedly, accent growing rougher as her emotions spiked. "Ah want _mine!" _

"What makes dat one so special?" He inquired.

"It's _mine!" _She yowled, flailing out her limbs and crashing down to the floor. "Mah mama gave it tah meh, and it was _mine! Do you even know how hard it is to have things that are yours around here?" _She wailed. "And Kitty broke it!" Tears were now streaming down her face. "And now Ah havta stab her!" She started crying harder.

Remy tried to follow her train of logic, but after a few moments decided it was a lost cause and just bundled up the crying girl in his arms instead.

"Shush now, _cherie," _He mumbled into her hair. "I'm sure y' have other things that are yours…" He tried to think of something else to calm her down… "And y' don't havta stab Kitty if y' don' want t'."

"But she killed my music box!" Rogue cried out again. "And it broke the china doll that was inside an' it shattered the mirrah and it tore mah card an' -." She cut herself off when she realized what she was saying. She very quickly tried to crawl out of his arms.

"Nuh-uh-uh!" He grabbed onto her tighter. "Dis conversation jus' started gettin' interestin' _cherie._" He smirked his slow, smoldering smirk of… smirkyness*... "What card?"

"Nothin'!" She struggled furiously against him.

"Oh, right, I really believe _that._" He was grinning now like the bastard he knew he was. "C'mon, where is it?"

"Nowhere!" She shrieked, trying to get out of his grip more furiously. "Ah don' know what yah'r talkin' 'bout!" He caught how red her face had turned with embarrassment. "Now let meh go before I absorb your ass!"

They both paused for a moment to review the last sentence that had come out of her mouth and silently agreed that commenting on it would be stooping low, even by Remy's standards.

"Anyway…" She finally wriggled her way out of his grip while he grappled with not speaking. "If yah could leave so that I could wallow in mah own broken objects." She sniffed. "That'd be fahne."

"Aw, _cherie,_" He found his voice again. "I wouldn' t'ink t' leave y' alone." He saw her eyes wandering the wreckage of the music box, searching for something and got a wicked idea. "But," He sighed heavily and made a show of walking towards the door. "If y' insist."

The moment he turned his back to her, she made a grab at a small piece of paper.

"AH-HA!" He whipped back around on her and snatched the Queen of Hearts out of her hand. "I knew it." He grinned, inspecting the abused playing card that he had given her once.

"Yah'r freakin' amazin'." Rogue snapped sarcastically, tearing the card out of his hand again and tucking it into her pocket gently so as not to cause it further damage. "Now, please, jus' leave." She looked down at her gloved hands.

"If I do, what're you gon' do?" He asked her speculatively as he leaned against the wall, watching her closely.

"Try and put it back together." She shrugged, looking down at the splintered wood.

"So… I leave… you stay here by yourself, wallowing in your own loneliness, mourning your dead music box and contemplating Kitty cat's murder?" He cocked his head.

"That's about it." She started collecting the pieces.

"Wrong."

"What?" Was all she managed to say before he twined his arm around her waist and threw her over his shoulder. "What are yah doin' yah crazy!" She shrieked as he kicked open the door again and hauled her out, clinging to the edges of the door frame.

Everyone was still loitering in the hallway and seemed to be rightfully stunned by this latest development.

"What are you doing?" Scoot questioned in a dead panic.

"She's…goin'…outside tah be in de worl'!" He growled in between pries at her waist, finally dislodging her from the door and hefting her over his shoulder again with a grunt.

"NO!" She screamed, flailing her limbs in a desperate attempt to escape. Her combat boots accidentally made contact with Scott's jaw and her fist collided with Wanda's stomach. "PUT MEH DOWN, SWAMP RAT!" She kicked out with her legs again, aiming for Remy, but instead hit Todd.

"No!"

"GOD DAMN YOU!" She shrilled and Fred, Kitty, Lance, Piotr, and John were taken out by her wildly thrashing limbs.

"Y' ain't getting' out a dis!" He snarled, half-dragging her out to the main entry way.

"Nooooo-." Her final scream was cut off by the punctuated slamming of the front door.

Pietro looked around at all of his fallen comrades.

"And that, dear children," He commented as he sauntered the other way. "Is why you never doubt my word."

-

_*I'm running out of words that make sense! _

_Don't worry, this is totally going adorable places and I would have kept this chapter and the next chapter as the _same _chapter, but then it would have been hella long. _


	6. Chapter 6

"Admit it."

"No."

"C'mon. Say it."

"No."

"I won't tell anyone."

"I ain't saying shit, Cajun."

"Just admit you like being out wit' me and I'll drop it."

Rogue glared at him from across the small out door coffee table, nursing a hot chocolate between her fingers and vicious words on her lips. Remy leaned back fluidly in his chair, black coffee in hand, smirk at full power, inspiring the idea that perhaps he owned the place. Maybe even the planet.

Rogue narrowed her eyes at him.

"Never."

"Then," He grinned at her. "I will never stop pestering y'."

Rogue snorted. "That's a big word there, don't hurt yourself."

"Despite popular belief, I'm quite intelligent." He shot back.

"That from the boy who stole Logan's motorcycle." She laughed and cast her gaze over to the now dinged up bike that he had forced her onto before they had left the mansion. "So smart." She offered him sarcastic praise.

"Hey," He straightened up indignantly. "I wouldn't have crashed it if _you _hadn't tried to jump off in the middle of a highway!"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." She shrugged.

They both smiled a little bit remembering the look on the other driver's faces as he clung on to the back of her shirt as she was trying to claw at the air to escape him.

"Good times." Rogue commented as she sipped on her drink.

They both chuckled.

"So, _chere,_ tell dis Cajun what y' wanna do today," He leaned forward to prop his elbows on the table. "'cause y'r not goin' back t' dat place 'til I hear y' say 'Golly, Remy, I'm sure glad y' didn' leave me t' wallow in my own depression. Goodness, I love y'!' Or somethin' t' dat effect."

Rogue spared a moment to glare at him.

He grinned back at her.

"The library." She finally spat out.

"The library?" He sneered distastefully. "Y' gonna waste a perfectly good day that Remy LeBeau has devoted t' y' by draggin' 'im to da _library?" _

"_Oui," _She responded, mocking him.

He studied her for a moment.

"I'll make y a deal, Roguey," He smiled at her and took a large gulp of the beverage in his hand, which Rogue was beginning to suspect wasn't 100% coffee due to the tender, savoring 'ahh' that he heaved every time he took a sip. "I'll go wit' y' t' dis 'library' place of which you speak for an hour."

Rogue raised her eyebrows. "But?"

His lips stretched into a impish smirk.

"But," He drawled. "Then we havta go where _I _wanna."

Rogue considered this a moment.

"Or you could always just say that y'r happy t' be wit me an' I'll take y' home." He suggested, shrugging.

"Library and then where ever you want to go it is, then." She sniffed.

"Glad y' agree!" He smiled, downing the rest of the 'coffee', shuddering slightly with the effects of whatever else he had added and dragged her back to the motorcycle.

-

Books.

Ah, sweet, enticing, enriching, entrancing, books.

How Remy loathed them.

Not that he had never picked up a book for fun. Hell, he read the entire LIBRARY at the 'LeBeau Estate' when he was younger. But when other activities such as thieving, seduction, and drinking became a big time-suck for him, reading was an expendable activity.

Rogue, however, was in heaven.

She had momentarily forgotten that she hated Remy and was giggling and racing around the building like a five year old in a toy store.

"An'-an'-an' lookit! I foun' another one by that same author! Isn't that fantastic? I love his books!" She dumped another book into his arms, which were getting full. "Have yah ever read anythin' by him?" She asked, positively glowing with excitement.

"Yes." He lied. How could he disappoint a face like that?

"Really?" She squealed, jumping up and down, clapping her hands.

"Yes?" He tried again. It made her happy the first time.

She seemed to miss the question mark tacked at the end of the world and nearly jumped for joy. "Fantastic! Now I have someone tah talk to!" She giggled. "I really, really, _really _like that one book by him about the girl that lives in the village in the middle of a forest full of zombies and-…"

Remy zoned out. What the hell kind of books was this girl reading? He looked down at some of the spines in his arms. One caught his attention.

"HAH!" He burst out in the middle of her ramblings.

Everyone in the entire library turned and stared at him.

"Sorry…" He cleared his throat and gave them all an apologetic look as he ducked behind one of the shelves closely tailed by Rogue.

"What's so funny?" She inquired.

"This pack of lies!" He shouted, feigning offence as he raised a book into the air. "Lies, I tell you. _Lies." _

Rogue tried to read the cover as he was frantically waving it around.

"The Thief and the Harlot?" She read.

"Are they making the assumption that the only woman thieves can get are harlots?" He inquired. "Because that would be _lies." _

Rogue was about to make some snippy retort when he cut her off by whirling on her.

"Better question," He locked eyes with her. "Why are you reading books about thieves and harlots? In fact-…" He reread all of the book titles. "A good portion of these books are about thieves." He grinned at her. "Somethin' you're tryin' t' communicate, _chere?" _

Rogue grabbed the books out of his hands and read over the titles as well. She hadn't even realized…

Her face went completely red.

"This doesn't mean anything!" She desperately tried to tell him. "Just…Random books!"

Remy rocked back on his heels and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Mmm-hmm." He smirked.

"Honest!" She shouted. Someone 'ssh'ed her from across the library.

"Why'd y' keep de card, Roguey?" Remy locked eyes with her.

"What card?" Rogue decided it was best to play stupid.

He cocked an eyebrow at her, but let it slide… for now…

Rogue placed all of the books she had collected on the shelf next to them, fully intent on forgetting their existence.

"C'mon." She growled, her good mood quickly fading. "Let's go wherever the hell you wanna go and go home quickly."

Remy chuckled and followed her out the front door under the glares of the people in the library.

-

"What do you think Gambit's going to do to Rogue?" Jubilee wondered out loud, sitting in the middle of one of the media rooms where everyone was holding ice to some part of their anatomy.

"Louisiana?" Lance suggested.

"I doubt he'd pull that trick twice." Kitty dismissed.

"Maybe they went to cinema?" Piotr offered. Kitty considered this thoughtfully and giggled. Lance glared at him.

"I dunno, yo." Todd shrugged.

"Mahbe ol' Gamby's gone and done somethin ta provoke her inta beatin' him ta death an she's now on tha run from blue heelers! I always said that boy was a few kangaroos loose in tha top paddock." St. John nodded knowingly while everyone tried to discern his slang.

Todd Tolanski felt slightly stunned. Had he just been out-slanged?

_Impossible!_

Everyone raised there eyebrows as Toad stood up on the couch and propped his foot on the arm like a sea captain declaring war. "Or maybe he took her to a romantic dinner, yo, and nothing went wrong at all. Y' never know. Gambit seems like a pretty slick dude, even if he is kinda a creep about bein' hung up on Rogue. Unless he took her to some hole-in-the-wall road pizza place for grub or badmouths her or somethin' that sets up a whole lotta homies a steppin', I'm sure he'll be all cool, yo."* He declared, throwing in every colloquial speech pattern he knew.

Out of pity for everyone's ears, Wanda hexed him into a wall and proceeded to beat him senseless with lamps.

"Good one, luv." John whistled appreciatively to Wanda, who blushed.

"What do you think, Pietro?" Jubilee asked, cowing the conversation back to her original question.

Pietro had been sitting in one of the arm chairs this entire time, sprawled out where he had fallen after control of the remote had been forcibly taken from him.

"You really want to know what I think is gonna happen?" He asked.

Everyone nodded hesitantly.

He told them.

"Ridiculous!" Kitty crowed.

"I do not think that is what will be happening." Piotr frowned.

"You're talking about _my _sister you weirdo!" Kurt cried.

"I think that's less likely to happen than Logan admitting where he keeps his booze." Tabitha tutted.

"You're a sick guy, 'Tro." Lance shook his head.

"That wouldn't happen in a million years!" Jamie swore.

Pietro smirked.

"Wanna bet?"

-

The funny thing about underground night clubs is, they don't always wait for the night. Late-afternoon seemed to be a pretty good time for this one to get set up and pumping.

"Nu-uh!" Rogue snarled as she stood outside the entrance with Remy.

"What, _chere?_" He gave her a combination of pouty lips and big puppy dog eyes. Which might have worked if the red of his eyes hadn't sparked with mischief. "Scared of a little club?"

"No." She puffed up her chest indignantly.

"Good." He grinned at her and captured her arm to aide in his attempts to lever her through the door.

"But- but!" She tried to come up with some plausible excuse not to go in. "What if I kill someone?"

"No one's gonna get that close t' y'." He swore.

"Or what? You'll beat them up?" She sneered.

He shot her a blinding grin before succeeding in pulling her in through the door.

"I don't like clubs!" She yowled as he dragged her across the dance floor, which was almost completely packed with teenagers with curfews, and up to a table on the second music was so loud she couldn't hear herself think. Or the other people inside her head.

"Well, I don' like libraries." He retorted over his shoulder as he sat her down.

"Y'all suck." She growled.

"Y' know better than to growl at me," He leered at her. "I'll take it personal."

Rogue rolled her eyes, but brought her attention back to the table just in time to see an adorable teenage girl decked out in her mommy's make up and her little sister's skirt flounce up to Remy.

"Like, hi!" The girl giggled.

"_Bonjour_." He greeted her with his damn smirk. Rogue clenched her fists and gave her best glare of death to the bleach blond bimbo.

"I just saw you come in and I thought that a good looking guy like you needed a girl with a long pair of exposed legs to dance with." The girl giggled as she twirled a lock of her hair around her finger while shooting a pointed look at Rogue's thick jeans.

Remy looked over to Rogue, who was fiddling with some cutlery sulkily. He wondered what she was thinking about this entire situation.

_If Ah heated the knife ovah the candle before Ah stabbed her, the wound would cauterize and Ah wouldn't get too much blood on mah shirt. _

"Well," Remy drawled coolly. "We'd havta see what _ma cherie _thinks about me dancing wit' other girls."

The girl snorted and looked over Rogue.

"She doesn't look like much of a 'cherie'." She sniffed, slandering the French word in such a way that Remy cringed.

_An' her shirt's already red... Nobody would notice… _

"_Cherie?" _Remy called her attention back to reality when he noticed she was attempting to get the knife far enough into the candle holder to touch the flame.

"Sorry," Rogue finally snapped into reality and stood up next to the girl. "He's busy." She dragged him out of his chair, which was a interesting change of pace, and down to the dance floor.

"Ho-bag."** Rogue growled as she watched the girl try to latch herself to another man with a date. When she finally turned back to Remy, she saw that he was grinning. "What, swamp rat?" She snarled.

"Nothin'," He whistled and feigned innocence as he put his hands around her waist and started to sway with her in time to the music blasting from the speakers. Rogue thought that she was obligated to dance with him, considering that she was the one who had dragged him down there. In fact, under a very short amount of time, probably somewhere in between him cocking an eyebrow at her and then pulling her into some sort of up beat tango and the quick waltz he had lead through a rock song, she found herself laughing and smiling.

"Paso Doble, _cherie_?" He offered her his hand for the next dance, which had a distinct Hispanic rhythm.

"One of my favorites." She smiled and accepted the hand, only to feel a tap on her shoulder. She turned quickly, starting at the sudden touch.

"Sorry," The boy behind her smiled apologetically when he saw her startled expression. He was wearing a leather jacket that was obviously to hot for the crowded club, but was too stubborn to take it off and sacrifice his 'coolness', which was already being downgraded by the tightness of his skinny jeans. "But, I just wanted to ask if I could cut in." He smiled hopefully.

Remy contemplated tearing out his throat for interrupting his almost-first-date-type-thing, but stopped himself when he noticed that Rogue was beaming.

_She probably never gets asked to dance. _He realized and (begrudgingly) handed her off.

Rogue was confused when Remy allowed the silly boy to dance with her. She had expected him to punch the kid in the face. Looked forward to it, in fact. She didn't know this guy, she didn't want some random kid touching her. Hell, she wanted to see this cocky bastard with a black eye. Only _one _cocky bastard was allowed to ask her to dance, and had been doing so when this one interrupted.

"So, what's your name?" New guy asked with charming smile as he laced his hands around her waist.

"Rogue." She scowled.

"Kyle." He introduced himself, not waiting for her to ask him. (Which she wouldn't have.) The song picked up pace and she allowed herself to be lead, only occasionally stepping on his feet or tripping him. Eventually, the beat slowed down to a more intense pace.

"Y'know," Kyle purred into her ear as his hands felt their way below the 'friendly' line and down into the 'Rogue-is-gonna-kick-your-ass' areas. "You have a really nice-."

Whatever he was about to say was interrupted by Remy's fist.

"Keep y'r hands off a Remy's _femme." _He growled, demon eyes positively aflame with rage.

"Took you damn long enough!" Rogue snarled, kicking in Kyle's knees when he tried to get up and deck Remy. "And what do you mean '_Your femme'?"_

"Well, _sorry_ f'r making assumptions here," Remy snipped as he delivered another good punch into Kyle's jaw and the boy finally went down for good. "But from where Remy stands, there happens to be a _fille _who kissed 'im, kept 'is card, reads books that relate to 'im, I'm pretty sure almost stabbed a girl f'r askin' 'im t' dance, and _then _she decides to laugh and have a good time wit' 'im anyway. _Do you realize the mixed messages I'm getting here!?" _

"So what?" Rogue put her hands on her hips and stepped over Kyle's body so that she could glare straight into his eyes. "A girl's not allowed to kiss boys or keep cards or read books or stab people?"

"O' course she is!" Remy rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion and took a deep irritated breath. "But what does it _mean?"_

"Nothing!" Rogue swore.

"_Lies!" _He declared.

"Alright, you caught me." Rogue said sarcastically. "Ah kept yah card because Ah like tah look at when Ah feel lonely. Ah read books that romanticize thieves 'cause they remind me of yah. Ah nearly stabbed the bimbo 'cause Ah was afraid that yah would actually say yes and dance with her. Ah wanted you to punch 'Kyle' in the face when he asked to dance with me." She crossed her arms over her chest and glared straight into his eyes with a crippling intensity.

To her utter shock he didn't look hurt or peeved or exasperated. He grinned.

"What are you so damn happy about?" She demanded, stamping her foot.

"Did I ever tell you about my other mutation?" He asked, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"No…"

"Hmm." He grinned again. "It's this funny little thing called 'empathy', and with it, I can tell what someone's feeling…"

Rogue felt the color drain from her face.

"…And thus," He continued, leaning backwards so that he could get a better look at her. "I know that every word you just said was the truth."

She opened her mouth to deny it, but no words came out.

_Shit. _She thought. _Double shit! _

It was at that point they both became very aware that the music had stopped and every eye in the entire place was trained on them.

"What the hell did you two do to Kyle?" Someone demanded.

Remy turned around to try and diffuse the situation, but whoever it was that had shouted gasped when they saw his eyes.

"Mutie!" The crowed and everyone in the club took an aggressive stance.

"Golly, Remy." Rogue said sarcastically as they were backed up into a corner by the enraged patrons of the club. "I'm so glad you pulled me out of my depression and dragged me to a night club in the late afternoon so that I could get murdered by teenagers. I'll treasure this memory forever!" Her voice was mockingly chipper.

"Really?" He perked up "Me too!" He looped his arm around her shoulder and gave her a make shift 'we're-in-the-middle-of-almost-being-attacked' hug. "I'll always remember it as the night I finally got _ma cherie _t' admit she likes me!"

"Ah nevah said Ah liked yah!" She protested.

"Not yet!" He grinned, ducking the first of many blows to come.

"Don' get yah hopes up!" She growled, delivering a solid punch to the man who had just struck.

-

"When do you think Rogue and Gambit will get back?" Asked Scott to the general population still lounging in the media room.

Just as they were about to shrug they heard the front door open and the aforementioned X-men walked in…

…Or, rather, they limped…

Clothes torn, noses bloodied, eyes blackened, knuckles busted, skin bruised, hair singed, shoes worn, and ear-to-ear grins.

"Alright, swamp rat," Rogue chuckled. "I'll admit that I had a good time, but I ain't gonna admit that I like yah."

He smirked.

"Y' just did."

She reviewed her last sentence in her head.

"DAMMIT!" She stomped her foot.

"Aw, it's okay," He played with the white bits of her hair. "Remy likes y' too."

"Fine, swamp rat." She grumbled and crossed her arms. "Ah like yah. So what?"

"How 'bout another date? Friday?"

"Does this count as a date?" She wondered out loud.

"Coffee, library, club, hand-t'-hand, I walked yah home after they destroyed the bike. Sounds like a date t' me."

Rogue smiled at him.

"Friday." She agreed.

"Friday." He kissed her gloved knuckles and they walked together down to the med bay to get some bandaids.

Every soul that had witnessed thought that their eyeballs were going to pop out of their heads with pure shock.

Except for Pietro, who held out his hand without looking up from his book.

Everyone begrudgingly put five dollars in it.

-

_Ahhahah! I never wanted to stop writing this chapter! It was so much fun! The plot monster I promised is coming up soon. (I love Pietro!) _

_* Is it sad that I had to look up my own slang, and then didn't understand half of what the website listed?_

_** C'mon, SOMEBODY else has to say this. _


	7. Chapter 7

_Warning- The following chapter contains epic accent and awful, awful, really bad slang. _

_Double Warning- I am not Cajun, Australian, or whatever the hell Toad is. I had to look this shit up. Never before had I spent three hours researching speech patterns. _

_-_

Remy had ducked out of the mansion early in the morning, eager to avoid the infamous Danger Room sessions held by Wolverine after having only the previous evening caused the death of Logan's motorcycle, so he set about doing something constructive for the day- hunting down a carpenter that could do the job he was looking to get done.

Do you know how many carpenters there are in Bayville?

None.

In the entire town.

He had to take a day trip to the city to find one, and even then, he had to threaten them on pain of explosion to move his little project to the front of the 'To Do' list. Eager to get the crazy man pent on getting his way or blowing up something, the carpenter had quickly done his bidding, and Remy had been on his merry way.

One would think, after an eventful day like that, things couldn't get weirder.

But, Remy LeBeau lived at the _Xavier Institute _now…

Whistling to himself as he dismounted, Remy tucked the box he had threatened his way into getting underneath his arm and strolled up to the door.

"Honey! I'm home." He chuckled.

The front hall was deserted, save Pete and Wanda looking a little disturbed, apparently waiting for him.

"What 'appened?" He grew concerned by the frowns on their faces.

Wanda and Piotr exchanged glances before answering in unison.

"John."

"_Seigneur…" _Remy scrubbed at his brow. _Good Lord…_

-

"Johnny?" Remy called into the closet. A muffled sob echoed from somewhere inside. He turned around to look back at Wanda and Pete, who made little shooing motions for him to go forward.

"Johnny?" He repeated as he ducked under some coats and ventured as far as he dared into the closet.

"She's dead!" John sobbed, back to Gambit. "They killed her!"

"Who'd dey kill, Johnny?" Remy put a reassuring hand on John's back despite the nagging feeling in his stomach to just not ask questions.

John turned to him, face streaked with tears and soot.

"Liz…" John choked out, holding up a broken lighter.

_But not just any broken lighter. _That was the remains of the first lighter John had ever named.

"An' then they called my slang stupid!" Pyro wailed, throwing himself onto Remy.

Remy awkwardly patted his head.

"Cheer up, Johnny boy," Remy tried to put on a chipper voice. "Come on… Where do ya come from?"

There was a muffled response from somewhere in the depths of his now tear soaked shirt.

"I couldn' hear y'." Remy tried again. "Where do y' come from…?"

"A land down undah…" John sniffed.

"An what 'appens there…" Remy prompted.

"Where women glow and men plundah…*" John sat up fully and smiled slightly, feeling a little bit better.

"So who broke y'r lighter and said y'r slang was stupid?" Remy asked, wonder how on earth he was going to get the soot out of his shirt. Pyro's eyes flashed with hate.

"_Toad." _He growled. "An' I dohn't see where that little ratbag 'as any room ta talk! At least _I _dohn't end every one a _my _sentences with tha word 'yo'!"

Lightning struck John's brain.

Remy found himself being tackled by a little over 120 pounds of lanky Australian. Both of them went flying out of the closet, rolling into the hall, landing with John sitting on Remy's chest.

"Oof!" He grunted as all the air was forced out of his lungs.

"Gambit!" John pinned him to the ground, clutching the lapels of Remy's coat for dear life. "You av slang, right?"

"_Quoi?" _Remy gasped out.

"Slang, mate!" John shook him like a rag doll. "Do ya' av it?" He demanded.

"I s'pose" Remy was able to grind as his head snapped back in forth in time with John's throttling.

"Ripper!" John exclaimed jovially, bouncing up from his place on Remy's chest, dragging him along with him by the coat. Remy was pretty sure that was Australian for 'great'.

"Why?" Remy asked as his heels skidded along the hard wood flooring in his attempts to stop the crazy.

John stopped suddenly and turned back to Remy with dark eyes that burned with insanity.

"They've challenged me." He said ominously.

"Maybe we should talk t' Petey 'fore y' make the _misere …" _He suggested hopefully.

"'Av I evah backed down from a barney?" John puffed up his chest indignantly.

_Barney…._ Remy tried to recall. _Barney… fight? A barney is a fight? Right? _

"No?…" Remy answered hesitantly.

"I knew yah'd undahstand!" John yelped with joy.

"I don' even know what y'r doin'!" Remy argued and tried to claw at the walls as John pulled him along.

-

_(AUTHOR INTERRUPTION!.- From this point forward, I no longer have any _idea _what I'm typing. I'm sorry for any damage to your brain.) _

_-_

Todd felt a little bit better about being out-slanged after having broken one of Pyro's lighters as vengeance. And it wasn't even just vengeance for the wounded pride or the burned down house or any of the ass kickings the Acolytes had dealt out to him in the past. _This was for Wanda. _

Oh yes, Toad had noticed the two getting closer and closer as of late.

Not cool.

So what he was too much of a sissy to actually stand up to Pyro. The guy was a _lunatic. _Toad wasn't going to _intentionally provoke him. _So breaking the lighter had soothed his ego for the moment.

That is, until he regretted it. Which started happening precisely the moment that said asylum-escapee stomped around the corner, covered in lighter fluid, dragging a Cajun.

_Man, I am so done for. _Toad thought.

"YOU!" Pyro bellowed as he pointed a finger at Toad, causing Scott, Kurt, Lance, and Fred to all jump from where they were all sitting, watching television.

"Heheh…" Todd chuckled nervously as he tried to back away. "Me!"

"Ma friend an' I challenge you!" Pyro shouted again, brandishing the part of Gambit's coat he held in the air as the Cajun tried to slip out of it to no avail.

"Y-you what?" Toad wasn't really a fast learner.

"We…" Pyro pointed to himself and the still struggling Gambit. "Challenge…" He pantomimed stabbing/punching something, which was as close as he could think as getting to illustrate the word 'challenge'. "You…" He pointed slowly at Toad. "To a slang-off!" He finished cheerfully.

"A slang-off." Todd repeated dumbly.

At that moment a blur of blue-ish wind came to a stop in the room.

"Did I miss anything?" Pietro looked around.

"Nah," Pyro said. "Just came in 'ere, gave tha Toad a slap of the proverbial glove, an' then you showed up."

Pietro did something that could have been a sigh of relief if it hadn't happened so quickly. "Ten bucks on the pyromaniac!"

"Done!" Lance and Fred said in unison. In their minds, there was no greater force than the force of Toad's slang.

Pietro rubbed his hands together and then motioned for Pyro and Toad to continue.

"Right," St. John turned his full attention back to Todd, ignoring the deck of cards pounding against the fingers holding on to Gambit's coat and the rumble of low, French curses. "'ere's 'ow it works!" He declared, quickly making up a set of rules. "The first one to cry loses! Slang-y insults go!"

"Yo, man, I'm real sorry I killed your lighter, but-."

"Yah drongo!" Pyro immediately jumped into shouting. "You're 'bout as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike! Take a shower, yah dill!"

"Shower?" Toad sneered. "I don't take showers, yo! Showers can't handle this slice of filthy sweetness!" He pointed to himself.

"You bludger!" Pyro crowed. "You wouldn't last ten seconds in The Lucky Country! People bathe there even when it's as dry as a dead dingo's donger!"

Everyone shared a general moment of '_What?'._

"Listen, yo," Toad was the first to shake off the feeling of '_What the _hell _did he just say?' _"We all know that you're one fry short of a happy meal, but you don't need to bust in here showin us that you're more whacked out than Rogue and…"

There was a dead silence as he realized what he had just said.

Remy had stopped struggling against John.

"_Qu'avez-vous juste dit?" _He growled, dark eyes locking onto Toad.

"H-hey, G-gambit, man." Toad swallowed thickly. "I didn't mean nothin'. You know me- couldn't hurt a fly, man!" He tried to back pedal quickly.

"_Vraiment? Parce que je suis m très sûr que vous venez d'insulter ma chérie…" _Remy's growling continued. The deck of cards in his hands started to glow.

"I- uh- don't speak French, bro." Todd watched the cards being shuffled.

"_Je pense que vous devriez maintenant être en cours d'exécution." _He brought up a single card in his hand as it appeared to burst into bright pink flames, and then simplified and repeated for the benefit of his very stupid prey. "You should run."

Toad didn't need to be told twice.

Explosions rocked the house, the fire caused by them was quickly manipulated into a stampede of horses that chased down Toad as he leaped down the hallways, crying and screaming for his life.

"Those are tears." Pietro pointed out.

Lance and Fred grumbled out a shocked affirmative as they forked over their money.

"John!" Wanda barked, stomping into the room. "Put out the fire horses!"

"But…" He whined.

"_Right. Now." _She snarled.

"Alright," Pyro grumbled as the fire lost it's shape and started to fizzle out. "But I can't promise that Gambit's gonna stop blowin up stuff."

Remy cackled insanely as Toad leaped up into the air to avoid another explosion.

"Honeysugarbunches!" Todd called out to Wanda. "Save me, baby!"

"What did you just call me?" She growled, hands turning blue with soon-to-be hexes.

"What didya jus' call her?" John growled, hands filling with soon-to-be fire dragons.

Remy was thrown out of the room as there were more blue explosions that had the faint outlines of fire dingoes. He hit the ground with a dull thud and a big grin.

"What's going on in there?" Rogue appeared at the end of the hall. "What _the hell _happened to you?" She screeched when she saw him laying on the floor, covered in soot and plaster.

"Nothin'." He grinned. Wanda and John's screams of fury and Toad's girly shrieks of terror could be heard in the background.

She paused to wonder whether she was going to pursue the subject or not.

"I got you a present." He interrupted her train of thought.

"Really?" She cocked a suspicious eyebrow.

His grin widened as he got up and hunted down the box he had brought home with him before bringing it back to her.

"Close y'r eyes." Remy told her firmly, keeping the box behind her back.

She decided to humor him this once, and shut her eyes. She felt him guide her gloved hands to the corners of a cubical object and scrunched up her eyebrows with curiosity.

"Alright," He opened the lid to the box and stepped to the side. "Open y'r eyes."

Rogue did.

Her music box sat in front of her in one piece.

"Do y' like it?" He asked, shifting nervously from foot to foot.

She tackled him to the ground in a hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She giggled, arms circling tight around him.

He laughed and put his own arms around her.

The cell phone in his pocket rang. He flipped it open, put it up to his ear, curtly said 'I'm busy.' and snapped it back shut so that he could fully enjoy his hard-earned hug.

-

_New Orleans._

"He hung up on me." Henri LeBeau stared at the phone in his hand. "Remy hung up on me." He repeated for the benefit of his wife, who was sitting at the table eating some sandwich concocted out of pickles and chocolate sauce.

"What'd 'e say?" She asked.

"All I 'eard was 'I'm busy' and some _fille _gigglin' in de background 'fore he hung up on me." He explained with a creased brow.

"Typical Remy." Merci tutted. "Try again."

Henri nodded and hit his speed dial again, pacing nervously. After a few moments he snapped the phone shut with an irritated growl. "'e turned it off!"

"Does it just completely go over his head that dis could be important?" Merci shook her head and took another bite of the pickle-chocolate sandwich.

Really, Henri was just glad she was in one of her more sedate moods. Pregnant woman were hella scary.

"Well, what 'r y' waitin' for?" She snapped when she saw him still standing there. "Go grab some stuff and y'r worthless cousins 'fore Remy get's killed by that swamp witch! If he refuses t' answer 'is phone, den we'll just havta go down dere an make sure he don't get himself murdered." She stated matter-of-factly.

Henri decided it was best just not to argue.

-

_*Yes. Yes, those were the lyrics to 'Land Down Under' by Men at Work._

_Qu'avez-vous juste dit? - What did you just say?_

_Vraiment? Parce que je suis m très sûr que vous venez d'insulter ma chérie… - Really? Because I am very sure that you have just insulted my (darling, dear, sweet… cherie)…_

_Je pense que vous devriez maintenant être en cours d'exécution.- I think you should now be running._

_What's this… Merci and Henri are coming to keep Remy from being killed by the 'Swamp Witch'. My plot monster may be lame, but he's proud of hisself, 'e is! _


	8. Chapter 8

_~Official Dictionary of Slang Used in the Last Chapter~_

_AUSTRALIAN:_

_Ripper- Great_

_Barney- A fight_

_Drongo- Dope, stupid person_

_You're as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike- You are not very useful in much the same way as an ashtray is on a motorcycle._

_Dill- Idiot_

_Bludger- Lazy person_

_The Lucky Country- Australia_

'_People bathe there even when it's as dry as a dead dingo's donger'- Roughly translates to 'People still take showers there, even when it is very (very) dry'_

_CAJUN:_

_Make the misere - To start trouble_

…_AMERICAN(?)…_

'_Showers can't handle this slice of filthy sweetness' - Roughly translates to 'My excuse for not taking showers is that I find myself too attractive when dirty'_

_One fry short of a happy meal- Crazy_

_(to be) more whacked out than- To be crazier than. _

_Hella- Very_

_:D_

_-_

One would think that the infamous Fred 'Blob' Dukes would have been the only real heavy consumer of food products that the X-men would have to put up with now that they had taken on the Brotherhood and most of the Acolytes.

That assumption was so remarkably untrue it was almost sickening.

Everyone had crowded against the wall, watching horror as Kurt, Remy, and Pietro attacked the food like starved lions.

"Dear God!" Hank exclaimed as Kurt and Pietro got into a fist fight over the last of the chicken as Remy stealthily snuck the rest of the pizza out of the box and into his stomach, promptly drowning it by downing the entire jug of orange juice.

"It's awful!" Kitty cowered between Lance and Piotr, who had both seen similar spectacles in their own houses, but never something like this together. Kurt won the chicken war, tearing at the meat until there was nothing but bones left while a defeated Pietro ripped through the bread basket at the speed of light before moving on to the salad, spaghetti, and pork.

"Who made all this food?" Jean looked on from between her fingers. The flying pieces of cuisine scattered in every direction as the three boys came at a cross roads to who it was that was going to eat the tuna.

"_They _did." Scott answered, stuck between awe and disgust as he ducked under some airborne mashed potatoes.

"I feared something like this would happen." Xavier rolled in, watching the three boys threaten each other with knives over the jambalaya.

"What do you mean, Chuck?" Logan asked, cringing at the sound of breaking plates as Kurt rolled across the table in an attempt to reach the rolls before Pietro, grabbing a sundry of food items as he went. Remy was cackling like a mad man as he chopped up what looked to be a slab of antelope meat

"Well," Xavier winced as Pietro tore through the pantry and screamed for joy as he found the cookie stash. "These three particular gentlemen-"

"_Hey, zose are mien sandwiches!"_

"-have mutations that are almost constantly exerting energy-"

"_Fight me for dem, homme!" _

"-and I fear that they must consume a great amount of food-"

"_Hey! You two shut up and help me find the rest of the cookies! There has to be more!" _

"-to make up for energy lost during manifestation-"

"_Ve also have ice cream, I think." _

"-and build up new stores of energy from which they can deplete-"

"_Ice cream's no good, I eat too fast." _

"-or they could possibly become injured or perhaps even comatose if they overexert themselves." Xavier finished explaining. "But I am slightly concerned on what the effects of providing them with _too much _energy could be…"

"Do we have to be in the same room when they eat?" Storm put her hand over her mouth as Pietro bit into a cookie.

"NOOOO!" Lance, Fred, and Todd screamed out.

The cookie fell out of Pietro's hand as the boy froze.

Everything became very still.

"Thosecookiesweredelicious." Pietro blurted suddenly, eyes wide, pupils dilated.

Kurt and Remy nodded while everyone else stared.

"What did he say?" Toad asked tentatively.

"I-I don't know…" Lance whispered back.

"Wheredidtheycomefrom?Canwegetmore?Icangetmore!CanIpleasegetmore?I'llgogetmore!" Pietro spoke again at the speed of light, zooming off, leaving waves of destruction in his wake.

"Guys, what was that-." Wanda strolled in, chatting idly with Rogue- the both of them not really big fans of eating with a lot of other people.

"_It was terrifying!" _John wailed, throwing himself into Wanda's arms.

"What's going on?" Rogue looked around at the war zone the kitchen had become.

"I'mback!" Pietro came to a stop in the middle of the kitchen with several key details about himself changed from a few moments ago. His original clothes were missing, replaced by what appeared to be ancient ceremonial robes and a fedora, his face a painted to resemble a bearded pirate, and six boxes of cookies clutched in his arms.

"Oh no!" Wanda gasped. "_Did you let him eat sugar?" _She shrieked.

"_IAMCAPTIANPIETRO,LORDOFTHESEA!" _He screamed, matching her volume, brandishing a box of cookies.

"_Do you have any idea how long it took us to calm him down last time_!" Wanda screamed again.

"_Ahahahaha!" _Pietro cackled, stuffing more cookies into his mouth.

"Ve are out of food." Kurt commented, going through the fridge, seemingly aware of the screaming speed demon behind him.

"I'm still hungry." Remy yowled.

"!" Pietro shouted, holding open the box of cookies for Kurt and Remy. They both took one and munched the cookies down in one bite.

"Youknowvhatwouldbeawesome?" Kurt asked, _bamf_ing around the room, striking different poses every time he reappeared.

"Ifwehadadinosaur?" Remy asked, constructing a house of card on the wrecked table.

"Ifweallhadmoustaches?" Pietro offered, tearing through the rest of the pantry.

"Iwasgoingtosay- _whoa cool!" _Kurt was distracted by Remy's card house, which had quickly turned into a mansion.

"How'dyoudothat?" Pietro admired the card mansion as well, which looked suspiciously like the Xavier Institute.

"Magic!" Remy grinned. "Andnow,itallgoesboom." He charged all of the cards.

Lucky for Jean's quick thinking, throwing up a shield around the house of cards before they took out everyone in the room, the only real damage done was to the table.

"This is madness!" Hank looked on.

The three young men turned to him.

"_Madness?" _They said in unison.

Everyone paled, recognizing the tone of voice they were using.

"THIS- IS- BAYVILLE!"* Explosions, teleportations, and general havoc followed the exclamation.

"YOU!" Logan pointed to Wanda, attempting to restore some order to the place. "Grab the lord-of-the-sea and get him out of the house! You!" He pointed to Kitty. "Grab the furball and take him somewhere far away where he can 'port to his heart's spastic content! And _you!" _He glared over at Rogue. "I don't care what you have to do to get Gumbo to chill out, but I want it to happen yesterday! Go!"

The three girls went out and forcefully collected the boy they were assigned to after much chasing around and shouting. Eventually, Rogue lured Remy out into the world by changing her shirt to something lower cut.

"Where are we goin'?" He asked, looking around like the world was the most interesting place known to man and devoting at least four a half seconds to investigate everything in it.

"I dunno." Rogue admitted. She couldn't take him to the library because he'd probably burn it down. She couldn't take him to the club because they'd get beaten up again. She really couldn't take him anywhere.

"We should go steal a diamond!" Remy whipped around and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Or-," Rogue thought wildly for something else they could do. "We could go dancing?"

"I like that plan too." Remy agreed, sprinting away, dragging Rogue, who was severely regretting her choice in activity, along with him to one of his favorite restaurants that had dancing.

He was still hungry.

-

"I like this place." Remy looked around, folding his napkin into an elephant.

"You've told me three times." Rogue reminded him.

"They have good music here." He commented, charging the silverware enough to melt them slightly so that he could mold them into people.

"Uh-huh." Rogue watched him from across the table, finding herself slightly amused by him.

"We should come here more often." he rolled up his sleeves, took out a pen, and started doodling what looked to be the Battle of Thermopylae with stick figures on the table cloth.

"Do you usually get like this when you eat too much sugar?" She smirked at him, watching him work diligently at the Spartans defending the mountain pass.

"There was this one time that Henri gave me a pixie stick and I painted the Mona Lisa on the wall in the spare bedroom, but I gave her a dragon and a guitar." He grinned at the memory. "Didn't think much of it."

"Henri? Your brother?" Rogue tilted her head to the side.

"_Oui." _Remy replied, reaching over to her side of the table to add a hot air balloon in the sky. "Ever since I was seven he's been given me things I shouldn't have and I've been convincing' 'im t' do things he shouldn't do."

"That sounds nice," Rogue commented. "To have a brother to fool around with."

"He wasn' even the worst." Remy assured her, significantly more open about himself now that his already unstable system was even more unstable. " The cousins, me an' them did some _dumb _stuff."

"Like what?" Rogue laughed openly.

"There was this one time when we was eight that me an' Emil an' Theo snuck over t' de Assassin's estate because they wanted to go meet Belle right after the treaty was signed and I wanted to blow her up," He nodded brightly, captivating Rogue in his story. "So I figured out th' plan- you see- there were twenty four windows on the side of the house that were opened by maids at approximately 7:48 every morning to let in the cooler air, and then closed at about 3:21 when it started heating up for the afternoon. So, I figured if we could get it before eight and out before one, we'd have about four hours to have merry hell and then scurry on home to secure alibis 'fore anyone suspected anything." He explained. "So, we got in there, and right off, we run into this girl 'round the same age as me with these big blue eyes and long blond hair that would have been cute on her if she hadn't been pointing a gun at us."

"What'd you do?" Rogue grinned.

"We high-tailed it outta there like there was no tomorrow, gettin' chased and shot at the entire way by Belladonna Boudreaux." Remy grimaced.

"Who's Belladonna?" She asked for the second time, hoping for a more cohesive answer now that he wasn't in his right mind.

"I was s'pposed to marry her." Remy shrugged and Rogue bristled. "Didn' love her. Hell, I didn' even _like _her, but she got some sick twisted idea that we was soul mates 'r somethin' and I guess I blew that idea t' hell when I left her standin' at the alter. Then she hunted me down, stabbed me a couple times and left me for dead in the middle of a road." Remy sighed. "She was a little mad."

Rogue raised her eyebrows but did her best to register this information calmly and coolly like a good acquaintance/friend/girlfriend/second date/ girl would.

"_She stabbed you?" _Rogue snarled, swearing that she was going to hunt down this girl and strangle her.

"Four times." Remy nodded, and then brightened again. "Wanna see the scars? They're really cool!"

There was just no being upset with him when he was like this.

Rogue smiled lightly and shook her head.

"She thinks you're dead?" Rogue confirmed.

"Yup." Remy nodded. "She'd be _pretty _pissed if she found out I was still alive after she went through all that trouble to try and kill me." He grinned.

Rogue rolled her eyes.

"You've been avoiding the reason we came here!" Remy accused suddenly. "I was promised dancing!" They both laughed as he swept her up into the next song.

-

"Stupid goddamn sugar cookies." Logan growled under his breath as he swept up destroyed table and pieces of various food stuffs.

His ravings were cut off by a sharp knock at the front door.

"Is somebody going to get that?" He shouted out, but the magical thing that usually happens when someone shows up at the door happened again. Everyone disappeared. "Fine." He growled. "I got it."

Snorting with agitation, Logan stomped up to the front door and threw it open.

Blond hair, blue eyes, baby doll dress, knives strapped to every available inch of her body.

"_Bonjour." _The woman smiled at him. "I'm looking for Remy LeBeau."

_-_

_*300 jokes never get old. Like, ever. _

_I admit to being slightly medicated when I wrote this. Damn medical mystery. Hopefully it's still funny to mentally sound people as well. Maybe even makes the slightest bit of sense? _


	9. Chapter 9

Logan stared at the woman.

"Remy LeBeau?" He repeated dumbly.

"_Oui." _The woman tapped her foot impatiently, placing one hand across her stomach and the other on her hip as she glared him down. "Remy LeBeau. Gambit. The Prince of T'ieves. Call 'im what you will, but I still need t' beat the shit outta his scrawny ass."

"Gambit?" Logan said again. His mind was moving a little bit slower than usual.

The woman's eye began to twitch.

"Is there someone with a higher IQ I can talk to because you're a-." The rest of her words were muffled as a man with black hair appeared and slapped his hand over her mouth, simultaneously holding her back as she lunged forward at Logan.

"Sorry 'bout her." The man grunted as the woman stepped on his foot repeatedly. "She's been a bit testy as of late."

A muffled curse came from the woman's mouth that sounded like '_I'll show you goddamn testy!' _as she pulled out a knife.

"Ah!" The man panicked and quickly turned to the car parked in the driveway. "Emergency Chocolate!"

Two lanky teenage boys, one with an obnoxiously bright red head of hair and the other with a mop of light brown hair tripped and fumbled their way out of the car, arms full of what looked to be an expensive array of chocolate.

"What are we lookin' at here?" The one with tan hair asked as the dark haired man deftly avoided the knife plunging through the air at him.

"I'd say 80% cocoa." He said coolly.

"Righto," The red head went through all the chocolate in his arms and cam up with a single bar that he waved in front of the woman's face.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously as they followed the chocolate before she surrendered her grip on the blade and lunged for the candy.

"Y'r lucky dat keeps workin'." She muttered as she consumed half the bar in one bite.

Logan was still rooted to the spot.

"Gambit's not here." He said loudly, eager to get these insane people away from his home.

The two kids sighed heavily.

"Now we havta try casinos…"

"And bars…"

"Clubs…"

"Hotels…"

"Banks…"

"Museums-"

"Sh!" The woman cut them off. "D'y hear that?"

All of them listened for a moment.

"_Bah dah dow dow dow dow dow dah dow!" _

_Oh shit. _Logan mentally beat his head against the wall.

-

"_Bha dah dow dow dow dow dah dow dow!" _Remy sang out a few unnecessary guitar cords as Rogue pushed his loudly singing person along the sidewalk, trying to avoid thinking about the odd looks people were giving them.

"You're nevah havin' sugah evah again!" Rogue snarled out as she twisted his shoulders to steer him out of a collision course with a two-year-old.

"You sound upset." Remy looked over his shoulder at her. "Is it the air guitar? It's the air guitar, isn't it?"

"No," Rogue sighed, taking a right onto the street the mansion was on. "I'm just confused on how you got us kicked out of a restaurant, a grocery store, _and _a hatchery all in the same day. Hell! I don't even know _how _we ended up at a hatchery in the first place!"

"The world's a mysterious place." He shrugged, amused on the effect it had on her grip on him. She growled out some indiscernible threats as they turned onto the mansion grounds, pausing long enough that Rogue could key in her code.

"You're lucky you're cute." She snipped as the gate started to automatically open.

He grinned at her before returning to his unfinished guitar solo.

"_Bah dah dow dow dow dow dow dah dow!" _

The gate finished opening and Rogue dug her shoulder into the center of his back to push him forward onto the property.

"_Bah dah dow dow dow dow daoooo- _oh." Remy and Rogue came up short when they realized that not only was Logan staring at him, but four people Rogue had never seen before also had glares fixed on Gambit.

"Do you, uh, know them?" Rogue asked, uncomfortable under their glares.

"Sometimes I really wish I didn'." Remy frowned just as the two boys closest to them, the ones with red and brown hair, screamed out battle cries and tackled him to the ground.

-

"I'm bored." Jamie moaned, flipping through comic books on the ground just as he had for the past hour.

"Do something constructive." Scott suggested, playing his GameBoy behind the book he had been 'reading' for the majority of the afternoon.

"Like what?" Jamie huffed, crossing his arms indignantly and stumbling into an upright position with the grace of a wounded beaver.

"Paint a picture." Jean advised, doing homework at one of the desks off to the side, just as she had or the past two hours.

"Make some food." Fred said hopefully, sitting on the couch in the same spot he had been in since the beginning of the 'The Chillin' Grill' marathon.

"Go shopping!" Kitty giggled, turning over on her side so that she could get a better view of Piotr and Lance having a glaring contest in the corner like they had for most of the day.

"Find out who's beating the crap outta Gambit." Pietro was staring out the window, fresh from his sprint from his sprint from Canada to Mexico and back. Twice. With Wanda on his back.

"The hell?" Everyone crowded around the window just in time to see a red headed kid do a flying tackle-leap, sending Gambit and a brown haired kid he had been punching in the shoulder to the ground in a flurry of gangly limbs and French curses. Logan was talking coolly with a blond woman and a tall man with black hair with one hand one the collar of Rogue's shirt as she lunged at the two boys attacking Gambit.

"How long have you been standing here?" Scott shouted at Pietro.

"'Bout fifteen minutes." He shrugged.

"That's so cool!" Jamie shouted, watching Gambit get the red head into a head lock while kicking the other one's feet out from underneath him.

"Five bucks on Gambit."

"Oh please," Jean started to scoff. "Gambit's going to beat them with one hand tied-." The one with brown hair charged at Gambit full speed, his shoulder colliding with the other man's stomach. The red head took advantage of the situation and the two new boys tackled Gambit to the ground. "Ten on the red head!" She finished.

-

"Ow-ah!" Remy groaned as his head made contact with the gravel of the drive way.

"Man up!" The red head shouted jabbing him in the side with his elbow again.

"Logan! Let meh go!" Rogue snarled, clawing at the air, eager to get in on the fight.

"Stripes, calm down. Everything is-." Logan started to say.

"OW!" The kid with the tan hair shouted. "Remy! No biting! Jean Luc _said!" _He rubbed furiously at the obvious teeth marks on his arm.

"You started it!" Remy snapped.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Guys, mah nose idth bleedin'." The red head cut in, holding his hand under his nose, which was pretty much spewing blood.

"Oh, that's a good one." The two other boys chorused.

"That's worse that one time where 'e was tryin' t' unicycle an' ran int' the cabinets." Remy grinned.

"Or d' one time where 'e tried t' dive int' the pool before we told 'im we emptied out all the water t' skate." The other boy observed.

"I 'member dat!" Nose-bleed kid grinned, punching the kid with tan hair in the shoulder. "It was almost as bad as dat one Remy gave y' when y' gave 'im a bowl cut in 'is sleep!"

The two boys laughed while Remy's face darkened.

"Y'r lucky _Tante _hid all de knives 'fore I could kill y'." Remy growled.

"You started it." Tan kid scoffed.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"_What the hell is going on?" _Rogue breathed, utterly confused.

The three boys sitting on the ground turned to look at her.

"Oh! _Chere!" _Remy was the first to register that she was still there. "These are my cousins, Emil and Theo," He pointed out the red head and the one with tan hair. "Behind y' is _mon frere, _Henri," He pointed to the man with black hair. "And the stunning woman t' his left is none other than Merci LeBeau!"

"I'm still pissed at y'." Merci growled.

"Don' be usin' language like dat 'rounf my unborn nephew." Remy mock-scolded.

"Or niece." Merci muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes and put her hands back on her stomach.

"All of y'all," Remy gestured to his family. "This is Rogue."

Merci's eyes went wide. "Y'r Rogue?"

Rogue nodded hesitantly as a smile bloomed across Merci's face. "Uh… yeah…"

"Ah!" Merci squealed, clapping her hands together. "You _are _pretty! I mean, I knew you'd be pretty, Remy never goes for ugly girls, but de way he kept describin' y' somebody woulda thought he was talkin' about a goddess 'r something!"

"Merci." Remy groaned with embarrassment as Rogue blushed. Emil and Theo laughed at his discomfort, punching him a few more times affectionately.

Remy's attention became snagged by something else.

"Is that chocolate?"

"NO!" Henri, Emil, Theo, Rogue and Logan shouted in unison with eyes filled with terror.

"Mine!" Hissed Merci, clutching the candy closer to her chest.

"Fine." Remy pouted. "Y' mind telling' me why y'all are here?"

The family of Remy LeBeau exchanged looks. Like, 'look' looks. Bad 'look' looks.

"We should go inside to talk about this." Logan said, already having heard most of the problem in the midst of the cousin's spat.

"_Oui." _Agreed Henri.

"_Non." _Remy stood up. "Anythin' I can hear inside I can hear out here." He said firmly. Rogue maneuvered herself beside him to provide a human shield between him and his family.

"Alright." Merci sighed. "It's about Belle."

Remy blinked.

Everyone held their breath.

He blinked again.

They all started sharing nervous glances.

He blinked a third time…

And then he screamed.

-

Belladonna Bordereaux whistled a merry tune to herself as she tied up her stunningly golden hair. She put on some mascara to frame her eyes that were such a violent shade of blue they appeared purple in most lights. She applied a deep red lipstick to her full, pouty lips. She slung and extra pair of Berettas into the holsters strapped across her chest and added another set of knives to the abundance sashed across her hips.

_Now _she was ready to go kill Remy LeBeau.

-

_Rawr. This came out waaaaay more serious than I wanted it to. It's okay, though. I'm paid for this shit. ((No I'm not.)) _

-

_(For ANON4NWXOXO!) (You need to get an account so I can counter-stalk you!!!)_

_That may be the most awesome-tastic review I have gotten so far in the history of awesome-tastic reviews, because not only did it flatter me to the point where I was blushing (I am not a woman who blushes easily!) it referenced the words 'bombdiggity'. If there is one thing on this planet I cannot resist, it is the use of the word 'bombdiggity'. (It's just so… soooo… goddammit, it's just freakin' awesome.) I totally agree 'bout Remy and Rogue being less sugar and more seething balls o' barely contained sarcastic fury. 'Cause it's cool so long as they love each other :D. (And Deadpool is the greatest thing since the invention of tangible artifacts (Next to Remy.)) I'm really glad that you kept reading this story even though you didn't like it at first (I woulda totally just abandoned ship (because I'm secretly a quitter(Yeah for winners!))) Oh, and Bob has already feasted on the flesh of the non-believer. AND NOW FOR YOUR QUESTIONS- 1) Wikipedia. The source of all knowledge. Hehe. If you go to the Wolverine and the X-men page, under Season 2 it tells you that not only will Piotr Rasputin come back in the next season (scooooore.) but Deadpool will be making his fantastical (Holy crapperdoodles. Fantastical is actually a word. Whoa.) debut on a children's television show! I stil have no idea how they are going to make that one work, considering Deadpool like to kill people. Like, a lot of people. And make sex jokes. Like, _a lot _of sex jokes. 2) Rob. He even introduced me to his parents like 'Hey dad, this is The Hooker I was telling you about!' because he thinks he's hilarious. He's lucky he bailed to New Jersey before I could find a place to hide his body… 3) YOU CAN'T STOP THE COOKIES! REHAB?!?! YOU'LL HAVE TO CATCH ME FIRST! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! _


	10. Chapter 10

_Wh-what's this? Jamie's UPDATING DIVINE INTERVENTION? Hold onto to your pants, dearies, because I'm old and rusty at this comedy bit. _

_-_

Remy screamed.

…

And he screamed.

…

And he _screamed. _

It got to the point where it became annoying and then swung back out into being damn impressive.

"Is he… okay?" Rogue asked after about three minutes of this.

"Psh," Henri waved away her concern. "He'll either stop to take a breath or he'll just pass out."

"His record's about six minutes of screaming nonstop." Emil commented, recording something on a chart as Theo checked the timer he had whipped out.

"Please take note that this is your daughter's first impression of her uncle." Merci shot a look at Henri.

"It could be a boy." Henri said on reflex.

"It's a girl." Merci snipped.

"Boy."

"Girl."

"Boy."

"He's turning blue." Logan kept a wary eye on Remy, finding it odd that a boy who had faced an entire team of mutant heroes, worked an entire year for Magneto locked in a metal dome with an insane pyromaniac and the feral deathtrap known as Sabretooth, probably stolen more things than Logan had stabbed, _driven a bus over a giant apocalyptic spider, _and actively chose to pursue a woman with 'poison skin', had been screaming himself blue over the mention of an ex-girlfriend.

"I got this." Rogue grinned mischievously, sauntering up to Remy's side.

-

"What'd I miss?" Scott asked as he came back into the room with snacks.

"Not much." Jean pouted, inspecting her empty wallet.

"They started talking. Somebody said something, and Gambit started screaming." Pietro shuffled around some money in his fingers.

"He was screaming when I left." Scott wrinkled his brow and checked his watch. "Four minutes ago."

"Still screaming." Lance gazed out the window, munching on some of the cookies Scott had just brought.

"And they're all just standing there?" Scott sat down in between Lance and Piotr on the couch that had been moved next to the window for easier viewing.

"Well, the tall dude and the blond got into an argument a minute ago," Jubilee popped her gum from her perch on the back of a chair. "And now Rogue and Logan are talking."

"What's Rogue doing now?" Wanda squinted out the window.

"She's walking up to Gambit…" Toad tried to be helpful.

"Well, it kinda looks like she's about…" John squinted along with her. "About… to…"

The entire room screamed with shock and fell out of their chairs.

"_Did that just happen?_" Kitty shrieked, pulling at her hair.

"It doesn't make sense!" Jamie sobbed.

"I…I am not understanding." Piotr scrubbed at his forehead.

"Is that…" Jean stared out the window with a shell-shocked expression. "Is that a sign of the apocalypse?"

The sound of the front door crashing open drew all of their attention away from the window.

"Ah could use a little help here!" Rogue half yowled/ half giggled as she dragged in Remy with her elbows hooked under his arms. Purple lipstick was smeared across his unconscious grin.

"_Désolé!" _The tall man with black hair grabbed Gambit's feet and helped her drag his limp form inside. "He's _mon frere, _you shouldn't have to deal with 'im." He apologized.

"He certainly makes my life interesting." Rogue grunted as they both hefted Gambit up onto the vacated couch next to the window.

They both noticed the majority of the Institute staring at them.

"What?" Breathed Bobby.

"What do you mean 'what'?" Rogue cocked her head to the side.

"_I MEAN 'WHAAAT?'!" _He shouted and crumpled to the ground, crying a little bit about how little sense a world where Rogue actively kissed Gambit made.

"Everybody- this is Gambit's family." Wolverine grunted as he towed in Emil and Theo, who were squabbling. "Gambit's family- this is everyone."

"Hi Everybody!" Merci said cheerily, another mood swinging right in after 'insane rage' was pacified by chocolate.

"Hello…" The mumbled response came back choppy from the majority of the group assembled.

"We're just here to stop an assassin." Merci continued. "We'll be out of your hair soon enough."

"Whoa! Backtrack!" Ray stepped forward. "Did you just say 'assassin'? I'm pretty sure I just heard you say 'assassin'."

"Hold on to y'r undies there, _homme,_" Emil held out his hands peacefully. "It's just one little assassin."

"With a grudge to rival that of any anger ever conceived." Theo threw in.

"And a lot of training at killing people in a whole lotta inconvenient and horrifically painful ways." Emil considered.

"Maybe she'll bring Julien," Theo tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"Nah," Emil dismissed. "She'd want to savor ripping out Remy's internal organs with her teeth to herself."

"Stop it you two!" Henri snapped. "You're scaring the children!" He pointed to the pale group of teens.

"But it's the truth!" Theo protested.

"Did you hear about what she did to that Italian guy?" Emil sounded mystified at the very thought. "And mind you, she did this to a guy she didn't even _know, _not someone who left her at the alter- stealing her away her right the be Mrs. Belladonna LeBeau."

"AH!" Remy shot upright on the couch suddenly, causing everyone to jump a foot in the air. "DON'T SAY THAT NAME!" He pleaded, cringing at the very thought of a 'Belladonna LeBeau'.

"She can't be that bad." Logan scoffed.

All of the LeBeaus leveled their stares at him.

"I've seen her steal candy from babies." Emil said seriously.

"We gotta get outta here 'fore she follows my trail to the mansion." Remy tried to stand up on his wobbly knees as he wiped the lipstick off of his face.

"True." Merci nodded, helping him stand upright.

"You could stay here!" Rogue said quickly. "What chance does one human have against a mansion full of mutants?"

"Careful, _cherie," _Remy grinned, wobbling his way down the hallway as he slowly found his bearings. "You almost makin' it sound like you like me."

"I do like you," Rogue wrinkled her nose. "That's the problem."

Remy chuckled as he turned to face her. "Funny, I like you too." He grinned. "Which is why I gotta get outta here, 'cause if Belle shows up-."

A knife struck the wall in between them, taking a chunk of Remy's beard with it.

"Belle _has _shown up." A feminine figure in the hallway growled in a creepy sing-song tone. "And she is not very happy, Remy." Belladonna stepped into the light.

-

_Ew… it's a cliffhanger…_


	11. Chapter 11

Unfortunately for Belladonna, the X-men did not take kindly to assassins trespassing on their property in an attempt to stab one among their ranks to death.

Unfortunately for the X-men, Belle was… well, Belle was Belle.

There was a half a beat in which Everyone was frozen, eyeing each other warily. (Or with desperate confusion as everyone who had been inside during the whole 'Belle's coming to kill you' explanation was thrown out)

And then, all of the sudden, several things happened all at once:

Remy tackled Rogue to the ground behind the sofa.

Henri grabbed Merci and locked her in a closet.

And Logan took a snarling leap at Belle, claws first.

Belle sighed heavily as she watched the Wolverine barrel down on her, almost lazily pulling a gun out of the holster and firing off a single shot, not even looking at where she was aiming.

Logan crumpled to the ground, though the shot had glanced off his metal skull, the blow was still enough to place him out of the game for a while.

"Anybody else?" Belle said loudly turning to the other patrons of the mansion, waving her gun around in the air in a sort of non-committal way.

Everyone except for Piotr, John, Scott, Kitty, Kurt, Lance, Pietro, and Storm bolted. Though it should be noted that the only reason John stayed was because Piotr had a firm hold on the collar of his shirt, Lance only stayed because Kitty stayed, Kitty only stayed because Scott stayed, Scott only stayed to make sure Jean stayed out of the same room as the gun-wielding psychopath, Kurt didn't really know why he stayed, and Pietro was just leaning against the wall, completely at his leisure to watch this insanity go down without getting involved.

"Let's get this over with," Belle rolled her shoulders and whipped out another blade.

-

"You make sure she stays in that closet!" Henri barked at Emil and Theo, baring the door of the closet his wife was locked in with another chair as Merci shrieked and pounded her fists against the door, calling out death threats.

"Find Remy!" Emil grunted, bracing his back against the door.

"On it!" Henri called back as he tore out into the room, ducking under fireballs, lightning bolts, lasers, and clouds of sulfur with the skill and agility on a thief could possess, finally locating his brother crouching behind the couch next to Rogue.

"Stay here!" Remy snapped.

"No!" Rogue attempted to stand.

"Woman!" Remy grabbed her arm and wrenched her back down. "If you get hurt because of me and _my _crazy murderers, I'll never forgive either of us. You're staying here!"

"No, I'm not!" Rogue shouted again, nearly drown out by the sound of destruction and cackling of no less than three insane people.

"Yes, you are!" Remy snarled, pulling her down a second time as she tried to stand up.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"In case you two haven't noticed," Henri threw in leisurely, leaning against the side of the couch, silhouetted by the flare of fire and flash of lightning in the background. "We could potentially have a slight bit of a problem on our hands."

"You're very perceptive!" Remy snapped, ducking under some flying debris as he grabbed on to the back of Rogue's shirt, keeping her in place as she tried to bolt again.

"I try." Henri smirked, turning sideways to avoid a flying knife.

"You know what," Remy growled, pulling Rogue backwards into his arms and standing up. "Hold this." He plopped Rogue down in Henri's arms.

"Remy LeBeau!" Rogue shrieked, fighting against Henri's steel grip as Remy winked at her and leaped over the back of the couch.

-

Belle furrowed her brow as she kicked the Russian's legs out from underneath him, displeased with how much energy she was using on these freaks. She was on a very tight schedule.

9:30- 10:00: Clean guns.

10:00-10:25: Makeup.

10:25-11:00: Bleach knives.

11:00-11:45: Sharpen knives.

11:45-12:00: Hide knives on person.

12:00-12:30: Lunch.

12:30-3:00: Murder the hell out of Remy.

3:00-4:00: Laundry.

She simply had no time for these sorts of antics.

She snorted with displeasure as the ground started to quake, searching out the kid with the mullet, who seemed to be the particular freak behind the anomaly, and kicked him in the worst of places, twisting just in time to catch the blue fuzzy thing as he teleported behind her, flicking out a knife as she made a swooping motion for his throat.

A blunt force collided with her shoulder, throwing her off balance, sending the knife flying out of her hand.

She recovered quickly, hands connecting with the floor as she catapulted herself back into an upright crouch. A vicious grin spread across her lips, because even before she looked up, she knew.

"Everybody back the hell up." Remy growled, cards fanning out between his fingers. "She's mine."

Belle snorted.

"If I were _actually _yours, we wouldn't be having this little spat, now would we?" She pointed out.

"True." Remy allowed.

"Let's get this over with, shall we?" Belle twirled twin blades around between her fingers before locking her frame in a defense position.

"Let's." Remy rolled his shoulders, whipping out his bo staff.

-

"Oh, please," Pietro rolled his eyes from where he was leaning against the wall. "Gambit's got this one in the bag."

He didn't even notice Xavier roll up beside him.

"Would you care to place money on the matter, Mr. Maximoff?" Xavier inquired.

-

Remy dipped below Belle's knife as it swept through the air where his jugular had just been, firmly planting his hand on the ground as he vaulted himself upwards, separating Belle from knife again.

Belle simply flipped another one out of her sleeve, not missing a beat in her attack.

Remy snorted with frustration, striking out again, removing another knife from Belle's ownership.

She rolled her eyes, kicking him in the stomach while pulling another out of her boot.

He grunted in pain, but recovered quickly, lashing out with his boot, knocking yet _another _blade from her fingers.

She reached over her shoulder and pulled another out of her collar as she kicked his legs out from underneath him.

"Where do they all come from?!" He shouted in shock, scurrying backwards as her knife imbedded itself in the wood between his legs.

"Wouldn' matter if I told you." Belle cackled evilly, stepping forward as Remy backed himself into a wall. "You're not gon' be 'round long enough t' care!" She crowed, cocking one of her arms back, knife glinting in the sun light. "Goodbye, Remy LeBeau," She grinned. "Can't say I'll miss ya, but I do get t' say I killed ya."

Remy winced his eyes closed as her arm started to come down in an arching motion.

"Like hell you are!" Rogue snarled, shoulder colliding with Belle's stomach.

"Goddammit, _chere!" _Remy shouted once the sensation of 'not-being-stabbed' wore off.

"I think I might have broken your brother's nose." Rogue commented, pulling Remy into an upright position.

Remy stepped in front of her, knocking her feet out as he went, catching Belle's steel toed boot as she rebounded from her fall to the floor. "I thought I told you to stay away!" He snapped.

"And I thought I told you it wasn't gonna happen!" Rogue shot back from the floor, attempting to stand, only for Remy to whip out his staff again and knock down both her and Belle in one sweep. "Dammit!" She cursed. "I'm trying to help you!"

"Don't!" Remy growled, trying to charge his cards before Belle kicked them out of his hand.

"If this is going to be an indicator for any relationship we have in the future, you're gonna be a crap boyfriend!" Rogue yowled, attempting to lash out at Belle, only to be intercepted by Remy again, who took the brunt of Belle's blow for her. "Because I don't want you to get stabbed?" His voice rose with distress, both from the conversation and the fist gouging into his kidneys.

"Because you won't let me help you!" Rogue went to elbow Belle in the throat, again to be blocked by Remy.

"There's a difference between 'help me' and 'get killed for me'!" Remy pointed out as he got a heel of the hand to the nose.

"You are so difficult!" Rogue snipped, lashing forward with a fist that Remy caught. "I knew I should have never gotten involved with you!" She kicked out, but again was thwarted by Remy's hand gripping her thigh, while he still had a hold of her fist.

"You got involved with me?" Remy repeated, locking Belle's fist under his other arm as she struck out. "_You _got involved with _me?!_" He yanked Belle forward and wrapped his one leg that wasn't busy standing around her knees, immobilizing her legs. "Might I point out that it has been _you _who has kissed _me _on no less than _two _occasions!"

Rogue turned red. "That-."

"Oh, would you two shut up!" Bell shouted, fuming about the tangle of limbs they had become as Remy still had hold on both of the women who had been attacking each other. "I'm just gonna kill both of y'!" She twisted out of Remy's grip, sending the other two of them tumbling to the ground in an even more tangled mess as she landed lightly. "Then you can just bicker, bicker, bicker in hell!" She pulled out her gun and, obviously done playing around, pointed it in between their two heads. "Who goes first?"

Remy sighed heavily, repositioning himself under Rogue. "'M sorry in my way of trying to protect you I denied you the ability to help me."

Rogue shifted her hips uncomfortably so that they ended up next to Remy's with another sigh. "I'm sorry I was so bust tryin' to have my way I disregarded your want to keep me safe."

Belle rolled her eyes with a scoff and pulled out another gun. "You know what? I'm just gon' kill both of you at the same time. You two just sicken me."

Remy wrapped his arms around Rogue. "Sorry I got ya killed, Rogue."

Rogue nuzzled into Remy. "'Least I got to die comfortable."

Belle tried to cover up her gag as the pulled the trigger, not noticing all of the X-men standing against the wall pointing behind her with wide eyes and dropped mouths.

Remy and Rogue winced at the same time, however, the '_bang!' _they had expected to hear really came out as more of a '_clang!'._

They both hesitated a moment to make sure they weren't dead before they hazarded opening their eyes.

_Tante _Mattie stood over the unconscious form of Belladonna, frying pan held firmly in one hand, scowl secure on her brow.

"Why de hell didn' anyone call me?!" She demanded.

"Sorry _Tante." _Henri, with his bloody nose, Emil, with his black eye, Theo, with his swollen lip, and Merci, with splinters of once-was closet door stuck in her hair chorused.

"As well y' should be." Mattie nodded.

Pietro's jaw was on the floor. He silently handed over his entire wallet to Xavier, who, feeling his job discouraging gambling under his roof was done, whistled merrily as he wheeled away.

Rogue and Remy finally felt safe to breathe, which actually came out as more of a half-hysterical laughing fit.

"Let's never have this much fun again." Rogue giggled.

"What? Are you kidding?" Remy chuckled, pulling her up with him. "It's Friday! We have a date tonight! I expect many more impromptu kisses!"

"Only if they keep shuttin' you up." Rogue teased as they walked off together.

…Leaving a room full of X-men who had yet to collect their jaws off the floor…

"They confuse me so." John mumbled, scrubbing at his brow.

Everyone nodded their agreement.

-

_Fin. _

_I… I honestly don't know what else I can say at this point. I really love this story… :D It's so short! 11 Chapters?!?! That's 14 less than my usual minimum! It's… It's… FUN SIZED! _

_Now, I shall end this story the way I do with all of my stories. _

_Nap time. _


End file.
